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Zombies, Cricket Wireless, and John Edwards

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Zombies, Cricket Wireless, and John Edwards
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

The cricket iPhone 4S aint go have siri that hoe go have shaquitia
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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It’s only a Zombie Apocalypse to the living. To zombies, it’s Human Brain Christmas.
1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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I hope people remember that Mike Tyson was eating human flesh long before zombies became popular. Ahead of his time.
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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John Edwards gets off. #NailedIt
12 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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The tragedy of John Edwards is that he ran for President when he should’ve just joined the Secret Service.
1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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Saving Private Ryan From Bad Food Decisions#BloombergMovieTitles
19 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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“Whatever. I’ve eaten human face meat before. Overrated.” — Anthony Bourdain, hearing about the Miami cannibal
1 day ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
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The Sugar-Free Grape Sodas of Wrath #BloombergMovieTitles
2 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
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Kathie Lee Gifford just asked Liam Neeson how his wife was.
1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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My city was so poor growing up that Planned Parenthood was just a bicycle without a seat.
10 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS · powered by @socialditto
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If you’re under 45 and don’t answer my text within an hour, I’m going to go ahead and assume you either hate me or are dead.
18 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
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Quitting ‘words with friends’ and going back to heroin.
58 minutes ago via Twitterrific · powered by @socialditto
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How old do you have to be before you can lick your thumb to help turn pages?
1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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Zombies, Cricket Wireless, and John Edwards
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