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Zerg Rush, John Edwards, and Hot Wings

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Zerg Rush, John Edwards, and Hot Wings
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Next person to tell me to Google “Zerg Rush” will receive a deft roundhouse kick to the face. Please stop.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Philip A. Chick #RomneyRestaurantOwners(image) 7 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

WOULD YOU BE EXCITE TO SEE MARATHON RUNNER RIDING ON DONKEY? THEN WHY YOU SO EXCITE TO SEE SPACE SHUTTLE ON TOP OF PLANE?(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

DID YOU KNOW that John Cusack has now starred in two films based on Edgar Allan Poe short stories? “The Raven” and “Hot Tub Time Machine”.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

On a scale of Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many facial expressions do you have?(image) 3 hours ago via Mobile Web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s gotten to a point where Octomom’s children would be better off being raised by an actual octopus.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

There’s nothing worse than having to watch the blooper reel of a show you don’t watch.(image) 16 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I like to wait 35 days to favorite a tweet. That way my friends are always
convinced they’ve lost their touch! :-D (image) 9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I would rather someone walk in on me taking a shit than have them see me eat a plate of hot wings.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy,” quoth the raven, quoth, “up jump the raven”(image) 6 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

You would probably never win an anecdote battle against an old Puerto Rican guy with a cane.(image) 3 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Any YouTube clip is six Related Video clicks away from watching a deceased conjoined twins memorial video set to Boyz 2 Men’s One Sweet Day.(image) 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Zerg Rush, John Edwards, and Hot Wings
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