Val Kilmer, Twinkies, and Secession
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
No more #twinkies, those Mayans are starting to look pretty serious now.
Can the cops come arrest you if you issue a death threat using only emojis?
Robin was up all night working on a big case. And by “big case” I mean “crying in back to back screenings of Twilight.”
‘Male yoga teacher’ is just a fancy way of saying ‘flexible pervert’
Secession. If you can’t spell it, you don’t get to do it.
Friend from out of town asked if he could crash on my couch. Had to explain to him that I’m married now, so that’s where I sleep.
The South threatening to secede from the union is like me threatening to leave this women’s bathroom.
Black Friday alternative: Spend the whole day shitting meat.
Maybe the headline you want on your Twinkie story is not “Hostess Goes Down.”
It’s almost that time of year where I don’t feel weird eating a cookie shaped like a dude.
Twinkies are like Val Kilmer, bloated, saturated in fat, and no ones had them in their mouth since the 80s.
“This is how we chew it.” -Montell Jordan, teaching his kids to eat properly