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The Secret Service, Kim Kardashian, and Egg Salad Sandwiches

Today's Funniest Tweets

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The Secret Service, Kim Kardashian, and Egg Salad Sandwiches
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

Tupac. Imma let you finish. But Obi Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time -kanye(image) 48 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

At least Ted Nugent didn’t threaten to make any new music.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I don’t follow football at all. Why are the Steelers dressing like the little bumblebee girl from the Blind Melon video?(image) 18 minutes ago via MetroTwit ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Kim Kardashian wants to run for mayor of Glendale, CA. Meanwhile Khloe Kardashian plans to run to replace Mayor McCheese.(image) 12 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Part of me wants the Earth to be invaded by a race of dog-aliens just to see them strap Mitt Romney to a car.(image) 57 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The moral of the Secret Service debacle? Never, ever argue with a woman over $47.(image) 22 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Tax day. Or as Wesley Snipes calls it: Tuesday.(image) 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Ashton Kutcher is dating Mila Kunis. Not to be outdone Demi Moore is contacting Patrick Swayze via Whoopi Goldberg(image) 20 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’ve had egg salad sandwiches more exciting than Debra Messing posing nude.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Comic sans is the Kim Kardashian of fonts.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

You can’t blow a hologram :( RT @KimKardashian: Just now seeing this Tupac hologram at Coachella!!! Wish I was there to see it in person!(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Pres Obama said that during his administration they’ve done more drilling than the last 8 years. Is that by oil crews or the secret service?(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The Secret Service, Kim Kardashian, and Egg Salad Sandwiches


Top Rated White Papers and Resources
  • Obama The Hologram

    Say what you want about Romney, but at least he only put a dog on the roof of his car, not the roof of his mouth.

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0029LHWFO/thedaical-20

    The Secret Service has a lot to deal with right now, but are they protecting Bo…from Obama?

    #ObamaDogRecipes

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