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The Artist, Danica Patrick, and Miracle Whip

Today's Funniest Tweets

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The Artist, Danica Patrick, and Miracle Whip
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today we have fallout from the Oscars dominate Twitter. And people are buzzing about the postponed Daytona 500 as well – some are even offering their own thoughts on the cause. Plus, we’re not sure what the miracle is about a certain sandwich spread.

Enjoy!

I feel like Miracle Whip doesn’t understand what the word “miracle” means.(image) 16 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

SOURCES: Danica Patrick is spending the Rain Delay at a Daytona Amusement Park, riding the bumper cars to practice for the race #Daytona500(image) 2 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It cannot be easy being married to Meryl Streep. It must be impossible to tell when she is faking it.(image) 14 hours ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

That dog from Frazier was really good in “The Artist.”(image) 3 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Some people walked out of the Artist when they realised it’s silent. I walked out of the Iron Lady when I realised it isn’t.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

somehow, somewhere, Nick Nolte just stumbled out of a handicapped stall, then flipped off a homeless guy, not realizing it was a mirror.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Octavia Spencer’s win shows just how far we’ve come since Billy Crystal performed in Blackface. #TheOscars(image) 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Check me out! Leg!!(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Daytona 500 delayed again because NASCAR fears mixing rain with a Danica Patrick debut will wipe out half their drivers within 25 laps.(image) 3 hours ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Congratulations to J.Lo and Cam Diaz for igniting no boners just then #Oscars(image) 19 hours ago via Mobile Web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Grossest Word of the Day: Instagramateur(image) 30 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

My noise cancelling earbuds broke, so now I have to use the ones that came with my iPhone. #firstworldproblems(image) 1 hour ago via twitterfeed ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It looks like the last calories Angelina Jolie consumed were when she drank that vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood.(image) 3 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“That is SO 5 minutes from now.” -Hipster Merlin(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The Artist, Danica Patrick, and Miracle Whip
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