Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
If you're carrying around a bag of your dog's shit, the dog won.
Disney bought Lucasfilm. I hope they don't commercialize Star Wars.
Saw a kid crying in the grocery store. I opened a bottle of A1 and chugged it right in front of him. He stopped crying and started nodding.
The National Weather Service has downgraded Sandy from a Hurricane to a Category 4 Political Football. #Sandy
When will the president tell us the truth about what happened in Fugazi?
We should have known Darth Vader had Horcruxes. #StarWars7
Crazy how the single most important decision any woman can make is whether or not to have bangs.
So, is Randy Newman gonna do the soundtrack? #starwars7
Business idea for super thin dudes named Gene: Skinny Gene's Skinny Jeans.
80,000 pounds of walnuts were stolen yesterday. Obviously, Al-Qaeda plans to terrorize us by putting them into brownies.
Just once I'd like to see a rapper make it rain self-esteem.
BREAKING: Nerds across country trying unsuccessfully to commit seppuku with homemade light sabers.
Let's salute the real heroes of Hurricane Sandy. Those brave souls who rushed to Twitter to create Dangling Crane parody accounts.