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Presidents Day, Kurt Cobain, and Cookies

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Presidents Day, Kurt Cobain, and Cookies
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

If Kurt Cobain saw “Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain” was a trending topic on Twitter he would probably kill himself again. 32 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain, the Foo Fighters have never been the same without you 2 hours ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain. Your career sort of stalled, don’t know what you’ve been up to recently. Hope you can get back to makin’ music! 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy President’s Day! There should be a “First Ladies Day” to honor the women who suffered while their husbands slept around with interns. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

President Obama makes $400,000 a year while in office. Paul Walker made $7,000,000 for 2 Fast 2 Furious. Happy President’s Day, everybody! 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Birthday, Kurt Cobain. If you were alive now, with a face that survived a gunshot blast, you would make better music than Chris Brown. 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

This year Im giving up Lent for alcohol 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“Aaah! It’s a trap!” – Lint 11 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Sometimes I wish the United States could “clear history.” #presidentsday 18 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I have this tradition where every Presidents’ Day I eat like William Howard Taft for 12 months. 38 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Getting something “trending” on Twitter is roughly as useful as writing it in lipstick on the side of a bag of dog food. 53 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I changed the preferences, but my mouth still accepts all cookies. :( 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

My mom tossed my allergy medicine because she thought they were ecstasy pills #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’d rather have have that face-ripping-monkey rip off my face than to be stuck behind one of those extreme couponers in the grocery line. 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Presidents Day, Kurt Cobain, and Cookies
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