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Petition to Make R. Kelly’s ‘Ignition (Remix)’ the National Anthem Is the Most Important Petition

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In the past, I’ve been critical of some of the more frivolous petitions to hit the White House’s “We the People” online petition site. A petition to build a functioning Death Star becoming so popular that it receives an official response? Not that exciting.

Then you have the totally batsh*t petitions like the ones from states that asked to secede from the Union or to deport Piers Morgan for expressing a view about gun control. What a waste of the platform, even if the platform is shallow and patronizing.

This petition does not qualify as frivolous. This is important.

A new petition with just over 5,300 signatures wants to change the U.S. National Anthem from the tired old Star Spangled Banner to R. Kelly’s 2003 hit “Ignition (Remix).

And they make a compelling argument:

We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it’s the afterparty, and that after the party, it’s the hotel lobby, and–perhaps most importantly–that ’round about four, you’ve got to clear the lobby, at which point it’s strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.

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Since the White House recently raised the signature threshold to 100,000, we’re going to have to do some hard work to make this a success. I know we can do it guys.

Petition to Make R. Kelly’s ‘Ignition (Remix)’ the National Anthem Is the Most Important Petition
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  • David Silber-Baker

    “I’m like so what I’m drunk!”

  • james leonard

    this is ridiculous! how could you dare say that this disgrace of a song represent a civilized country as such. You want the American national anthem’s back-story to be about having sex with women in numerous places? If you do, i am disgusted with what has become of this world and if this petition receives 100 000 signature, hell will freeze over.

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