Happy Hump Day, everyone. And what better way to celebrate than with a dramatic reading of masturbatory fan fiction hit Fifty Shades of Grey?

If those words just made you cringe, you’re probably not alone. But what makes this interpretation worth it is the fact that the book is being read by none other than Duke Nukem himself.

Yep, someone got Jon St. John (Nukem’s voice actor) to read a few lines from the BDSM housewife handbook.

I know that even with Duke Nukem’s cool factor, you’re still going to have to listen to a paragraph of Fifty Shades of Grey. That’s painful, and I do apologize. But it’s worth it just to hear the line “My inner goddess in doing the dance of the seven veils.” Check it out below:

Better or worse than the Gilbert Gottfried interpretation? Tough call.