Obama’s New Dog Is Cute, But Apparently Evil

    August 20, 2013

The Obama family has added a new lovably adorable ball of fur to the White House; her name is Sunny, and she is a female Portuguese Water Dog. She is quite similar to the first Presidential pet, Bo, in color, breed, and maximum preciousness. Portugese Water Dogs have hypo-allergenic coats that come in handy for the Obama family, considering that daughter Malia is allergic to dog fur. The new addition to the presidential family is said to be about a year old, “energetic and affectionate,” and that her name was chosen to reflect her “cheerful” nature. All in all, the dog is super cute and couldn’t possibly be the cause for any kind of debate ever. Except that this is the internet, and that last bit is most certainly untrue.

(Pictured above: Evil incarnate!)

Since the Obama family announced their newest member in a press release on Monday, the internet (and, of course, the odd conservative and cranky activist) have used the ensuing 24 hours to come up with some pretty cringe-worthy, but none the less entertaining conspiracy theories concerning the new pup. Among the more interesting accusations are that “Sunny” isn’t the dog’s name at all. The dog is actually “Sunni.” You know, like the Islamic religious sect. Because Obama is a muslim, remember? Get it? (Yeah. Neither do I.)

Other complaints have come from the dog’s pure-bred status and the fact that she was, more likely than not, not rescued from a pound. Wayne Pacelle, the president of the Humane Society of The Unites States, slyly pointed out that the Obama family had not been entirely clear on where they had acquired Sunny, with others going on to imply that the thousands of shelter dogs around the country might have a bone to pick with Sunny’s pure-bred status. (Pacelle, after making his snide complaints, went on to thank the Obama family for their generous donation to the Humane Society and the president’s effort to pass legislation meant to fight cruelty in puppy mills.) PETA, of course, chimed in on the debate by saying that, “The Obama family… failed to listen to the plea of “adopt, don’t buy” that greeted the arrival of the First Dog, Bo, and acquired Sunny, the Second Dog, from a breeder, which is the animal-protection world equivalent of kicking a hobo.” Classy as always, PETA.

Perhaps the most entertaining issue surrounding the pup is that she is nothing more than a fluffy, adorable distraction, meant to take the heat off of the Obama administration as they push their agenda of evil, evil Health care reform, the ever-dreaded, oh-so-infamous “Obamacare” monster. Because, you know, the Obama administration forces the media to cover such irreverent topics as the new White House pet and celebrity gossip and news of the royal baby rather than the hard-hitting things that actually matter. Yes, that’s completely accurate.

The chaos surrounding the new pup’s arrival is, ultimately, ridiculous, but worth a laugh or two. This article from Salon perhaps best sums up the arguments surrounding Sunny; the dog isn’t to blame for America’s problems. The dog is not to blame for Obama’s mistakes. The dog, in fact, has nothing to do with either of these things. The dog is, simply put, a dog; a cute, new pet, and not much else. Perhaps it might be best to not make mountains out of mole hills in this instance.