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National Cleavage Day, The Lottery, and April Fool’s

Today's Funniest Tweets

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National Cleavage Day, The Lottery, and April Fool’s
[ Life]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

It may be National Cleavage Day, but I’m totally pretending to look at St. Patrick’s Day on the calendar.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I have an irrational fear that when people get really upset with me that I’m going to hit them.(image) 2 hours ago via twicca ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s going to be unusually hard spotting the April Fools stories in this weekend’s papers.(image) 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Do NOT play the numbers in the Mega Millions tonight, people! They are CURSED!!! Also, I don’t want to share my jackpot with you.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitterrific ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

National Cleavage Day doesn’t mean you can randomly motor boat women, apparently.(image) 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Breaking: BlackBerry is leaving the consumer market to focus exclusively on disappointing the corporate market.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I hope Africa wins the Mega-Millions.(image) 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I only spend money on things that turn into poop, pee and hangovers.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’d go see the movie Bully but I’m not a freakin’ dorkwad.(image) 2 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Today is National Cleavage Day. I wonder what Rex Ryan is going to wear.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If I win the lottery tonight I’m covering my house in a Dorito shell.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Like most party animals, I start my weekend by checking the three day forecast on http://t.co/yBhyZuPa.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Is that a lottery ticket in your pocket or are you just really bad at math(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

National Cleavage Day, The Lottery, and April Fool’s
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