Natasha Richardson died in a tragic skiing accident back in 2009, and for the first time since her passing, her son is speaking out about how he coped with his mother’s death.

Liam Neeson has only recently spoken about his wife’s passing. Natasha Richardson was the center of his life, and when she died he was left to raise their two sons alone.

Micheal Neeson is now 19. Just 13 when his mother died, he fell into a dark abyss.

“In my mind, subconsciously, I either pushed it out or stored it deep inside,” Neeson said in an interview with The Sunday Times. “And so, within the next week I was like ‘Okay, on with my life.'”

In place of grieving, Micheal Neeson hit the party scene. He spent lots of time both smoking marijuana and drinking heavily.

Liam Neeson's son says he 'hit rock bottom' after his mom passed away when he was 13 http://t.co/inkY1R3yrv pic.twitter.com/NciMhKEB3n

— People magazine (@people) March 16, 2015

“Last spring, things just started going downhill. The people I was with, we were partying a lot,” he told the publication. “It was dark. I hit rock bottom.”

In addition to his father, Liam Neeson, Micheal eventually found great solace–and wisdom–in his grandmother, Vanessa Redgrave. With their encouragement he did a stint in wilderness therapy and eventually got sober.

So what’s next for Natasha Richardson and Liam Neeson’s son?

It seems he’s caught the acting bug.

“Acting is a huge interest,” he said, admitting that his father isn’t so crazy about the idea. “My dad says, ‘Please, can you just be a farmer or a bartender or something?'”

He believes Natasha Richardson would love to have seen her son become an actor.

“She never vocalized it, but I know that my mum liked the idea of me becoming an actor. She would have thought that was cool,” he said.

The past few years have been very difficult ones for the Run All Night star and his sons since Natasha Richardson died. Hopefully now that Micheal Neeson has opened up about his struggles, the whole family has found more peace and healing.