Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
The energy it took NASA to put a robot on Mars is the same amount of energy it takes me to wish a friend happy birthday on Facebook.
I like to think of the Mars curiosity rover as a bit like Wall-E from the pixar movie. Hanging out, humming to himself. Looking for love.
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Sex is like pizza: Someone please have pizza with me.
"I don't even own an IV." - Hipster Doctor
Every four years, for two weeks, ping pong becomes "table tennis".
Plaxico Burress owes $59,241 in back taxes. Wesley Snipes thinks he's going to be fine.
Usain Bolt should be a unlockable character on Temple Run.
Google is lowkey racist for having a black guy running on top of a watermelon. We see what you did thur.
Levi Johnston wants full custody over the kid he had with Bristol Palin because he thinks he's better suited to ruin its life.
Breaking: Elton John apologizes for calling Madonna a "c*nt." Says he actually meant an "old, shriveled-up c*nt."
If your name has any silent letters in it, your parents are assholes.