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Michael Bay, Amelia Earhart, and the Equinox

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Michael Bay, Amelia Earhart, and the Equinox
[ Life]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

March 20: Happy Autumnal Equinox to the 20% of Earth’s human population (& 100% of free Penguins) living south of the equator(image) 4 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

BREAKING: Nancy Grace Blames Amelia Earhart’s Disappearance on Husband(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Satan Manning signs with Denver. Or at least that’s what Tim Tebow told me in prayer circle this morning.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I keep waiting for Michael Bay to photoshop Shia Labeouf into all my baby photos & officially ruin every childhood memory I have.(image) 54 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’d trust Muhammad Ali on a tightrope holding an infant over an active volcano before I’d trust Michael Bay with the Ninja Turtles.(image) 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Am I the only one that was blindsided by Hines Ward’s retirement announcement? #TooSoon?(image) 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I remember when I used to get on the computer just to use Paint. #PopularInThe90s(image) 3 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Adriana Lima is ‘pregnant’. Pretty sure Jessica Simpson is acting as her surrogate though.(image) 6 minutes ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Just watched a Newt Gingrich speech and it reminded me I have to buy butter.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

#GoToPrisonBecause you are a woman beater! RT @chrisbrown: #DontGiveUpBecause you are special!(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The astronauts were complaining about space being cold so I have bought them all iPad 3s(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’m not afraid of dying alone, I’m afraid of living a very, very long life alone.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

You can’t fool me, Wikipedia. Everyone knows that calories are units of deliciousness.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Michael Bay, Amelia Earhart, and the Equinox
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