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Mermaids Don’t Exist: United States Government Shatters Another Dream

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Mermaids Don’t Exist: United States Government Shatters Another Dream
[ Science]

Mermaids don’t exist? To most, that’s sort of goes without saying. But what about those men and women who honestly believe that mermaids are real? Maybe the only thing that gets some sad, lonely little guy through the day is sitting on a beach, hoping that his Ariel will come flopping out of the sea and into his arms. What if his dreams are forever shattered by this heartless, insensitive government study? What about him? Never mind that such research is a remarkable waste of time, money, and resources — think about the people who won’t be able to get through the day knowing that mermaids “officially” don’t exist. Think about the people.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced to the world that there’s no evidence these half-human, half-fish hybrids exist anywhere in the world. Next week, I’m going to apply for a grant to study whether or not Candyman shows up in my mirror after saying his name five times. I’m more than willing to risk my well-being for the greater good.

Perhaps I’m being too hard on the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration for spending their time researching mermaids. I’m sure they need to break up the seriousness of their work by turning their attention to lighter, more disposable fare every now and again. In fact, I’m almost willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. And if it turns out this nothing more than a direct response to the fictional Animal Planet program “Mermaids: The Body Found”, I’m okay with that. People get confused sometimes.

Although it’s a little alarming that such studies are being funded when meaningful federal programs are watching their budgets slowly disappear, I’m still more worried about that guy on the beach. His dreams have been forever shattered, all because everything has to be so black and white these days. In fact, I sincerely hope that he never reads this silly little article. Because sometimes it’s just fun to imagine that mermaids exist.

Mermaids Don’t Exist: United States Government Shatters Another Dream
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  • Silver

    F*cking stupid

  • dave

    Mannn! now what an I going to do. I didn’t need to know. now that I do. I’m still going to sit here and hope that you all are WRONG!

  • http://findmoretodo.com Surminga

    What! Thats Outrageous

  • Angie

    The natural progession of man strongly sugguests that the existance
    of aquatic apes is real. Historic data supports this.

    • Iceman

      That’s true. I served under one.

    • Robin

      Sea monkey!

  • Iceman

    How many times does the government have to lie to us before we stop believing that we have a working government? My mermaids in Wiki Wachi were very real!

    • jim hull

      uhh, what?! who said santa doesn’t exist? ohh, such rumors really tick me off.

  • O’Bleep!

    WTH??? Next there gonna tell us that Santa doesn’t exist!

  • laurelle

    The thing is people are so ignorant of the spirit world. Mermaids do exist in the Marine but they are spirits, evil spirits. www.emmanueltv.com you will be amazed of the testimonies of people who have spiritually served them.

    • laurelle

      they are also known as Mami wata http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mommy_Water

  • Christine

    Wow. Gotta love America.

  • Hmmm

    So why did the government shut down the site www.ibelieveinmermaids.com?

  • Bob Paine

    I wouldn’t tell the Chicken of the Sea mermaid if I was NOAA….

  • Dakota

    Hmmm. This is pretty funny. COnsidering that to this day we are still discovering thousands of new species in the worlds oceans, some of which are absolutely huge, that’s quite a hefty statement for NOAA to make. Take the Blue Whale for example. We didn’t even know such a thing existed until recently. Or even better, how about the Giant Squid? You know, that thing that everyone said was a myth? That hting that is now known to exist? I’m sorry but there was physical evidence the Giant Squid existed either…until one was found. NOAA has officially made their most ignorant statement by far.

  • mad snik-ker

    wow, Iceman… my mermaid always liked me to be on top…..

  • Hartlei

    This whole article is based on a man who sits on a beach, waiting for Ariel…

    • Robin

      Hahaha okay that one was funny!

  • Max

    Stop doubting. Go to Tanzania lake taganika in Africa. Take a study.

  • Chelsea

    i think its pretty funny how the government is trying so hard to say that mermaids aren’t real. the government is just trying to control another thing in the world. the ocean is a HUGE place and they havent even touched it yet. So for them to say that the evidence isnt there and mermaids dont exist is just another way to control us. Government is just covering it up so us the people dont freak out like they think we will. STUPID. Also i believe in mermaids more than i believe in the big foot.

    • Ben

      “The Big Foot” ….what a goofy way to say Bigfoot. It really seems what they are trying to say is that it would be scientifically impossible. And besides what they really need to be studying is the presence of aliens (extraterrestrials) and/ or just disclose the evidence that they already have …..that they really do exist! Way to go government another foolhardy study… mermaids hah!!
      Aliens is the way to go if we relly do want a viable study that would be far reaching and worth every cent!

  • robert

    congratulations mermaid believers here in the comments section! You all qualify for therapy and monetary assistance from my charitable organization, The American Foundation to Benefit Adults with Underdeveloped Frontal Lobes

    • http://www.mepaquito.mex.tl Andres

      realmente las sirenas existe, aunque no los creean. se perfectamente en el lugar donde abitan. es en Panamá (darién-Capetí)

      • robert

        translation: Mermaids do exists. I ran over one the other day with my bosses lawnmower

  • Robin

    Wow, the US government strikes again and crushes yet another dream. The earth is huge and no one’s ever looked thru all parts of it, especially not the ocean. I still believe in mermaids no matter what. I don’t care what you look up. Mermaids are smart and they know you’ll dissect them like little kids so they hide.

    and even if I’m wrong…

    A GIRL CAN DREAM CAN’T SHE???

    STUPID GOVERNMENT, I HATE YOU!

    • Mo

      I believe too with all my heart! Keep the dream alive!

  • Addie

    wat does the goverment know? Mermaids ARE real, um, not that i know one, of course, but anyway. wy would the mermaids wanna be seen by the goverment? if the goverment found one, they would probably take her apart and do drug testing on her and treat her like a science expirement. III HHHHAAAATTTTEEEE GGGGGOOOVVVEEERRRMMMAAANNNTTT!!!!!

  • Ben

    It really seems what they are trying to say is that it would be scientifically impossible. And besides what they really need to be studying is the presence of aliens (extraterrestrials) and/ or just disclose the evidence that they already have …..that they really do exist! Way to go government another foolhardy study… mermaids hah!!
    Aliens is the way to go if we relly do want a viable study that would be far reaching and worth every cent!

  • terry

    b.*#!s/, I have a mermaid tattoo on arm to prove it!

  • http://www.talenthouse.com/reyking xreye

    I was about 8 or 9 years old when one day I talking to another boy that told me that his dad had a secret, a little mermaid. The kid promised to show it to me if I waited for him. I did. He came back with a shoebox. Crammed inside was what I thought was a semi-dried fish (smelled very fishy). He took it out and let me hold it. The tail was totally fish complete with scales.I could see that the upper torso was a brownish mix of fish and monkey-like elements intermingled. The head was mostly mammalian but the face was all monkey. I’ve seen even stranger things in my life but this was the first.

    • johnny s

      i found a mermaid on the on the beach in COSTA RICA

  • OhHoneyHoney

    Yes we exist as fairies do exist too. But i have a spell of never learn to swim with my human legs..it’s useless or i’ll sink to come back to the seabed but dead.That was becos my father never wanted that i fall in love of a man. Hsdes took me as his beloved wife Hermes came down hell to rescue me by order of Zeus ..my father.Hermes saw me we made love i was expecting Hades child at that moment, was the reason my son became born as The Kraken.And not the lovable baby it was..Hades always loved to our son ..He left me to move into the sea abyss Then i spent the half of my life with the son of Cinyras King of Crete,Adonis .. a beautiful man down in the earth core till he was killed by Ares turning himself in a boar jelous of Adonis affair with Aphrodite while he wasn’t with me.Now i’m just a woman.

  • Robert Jckson

    Say it ain’t so, Sam!! Next thing they will be telling us that unicorns and Bigfoot are not real. The government does not have the right to shatter the dreams of good citizens who happen to believe
    that certain “mythical” creatures are real.
    What if I told you I knew somebody who kept a mermaid as a pet in an
    indoor/outdoor swimming pool? You would call the authorities because it is illegal to keep a mermaid as a pet, and besides, mermaids are on the Endangered Species list and cannot be kept. The feds would
    keep it all quiet, and you would spend the rest of your life telling all this to people who would think you are crazy.
    So we can all just leave the mermaids alone, and let them do their
    thing. I heard a rumor that they offered certain “bribes” if the agents would proclaim they did not exist – mermaids are reported to
    give the best BJ of all time, which is why they are so famous.

    • noone

      unicorns is not mythical it is spoken about in the old testament in the KING JAMES BIBLE and the bible says somethings remain a mystery to us, js to those who believe or not.

      • Dr, John Cook

        I so tire of you God freaks. Go read your bible and think first instead of believe first. You might realize that it is only an ancient myth. At least I hope so…

  • Meadow

    No “study” was “funded” for this; NOAA just got a lot of questions about “mermaids” after that TV program on the aquatic ape theory aired, so they decided to respond to them. Don’t worry, no taxpayer money was spent to search for mermaids. Although frankly, I would rather see it spent that way than on having our young men and women kill and be killed overseas, which is where the vast majority of it is going. . .

  • deita klaus

    Can we have this research money aid the veterans please

  • faith ekong

    it sounds funny but they are real

  • dennis

    no maybe mermaids don’t exist….something scarier does exist beneath the oceans and it is extremely intelligent and advanced..a separate life form …a competitive life form..that considers us as dangerous and emotionally arrested.

    • Dr, John Cook

      Yeah, it’s a scientist!

  • rsr

    I’m glad that’s settled. Next, they’re working on the god fantasy. If you think we’re taking the no mermaid news badly, wait until we see the results of that next study.

    • pinotfish

      I saw the show and went to the web site that was censored by homeland security. If it is not real… then what are they worried about and why would they single out this guy compared to all the fantasy idiots on the web and you tube.. i believe YOU are missing the boat. Keep an open mind and remenber our government is not our friend

      • John

        Pinotfish, and most of you out there on this forum. You are all the absolute dumbest freaking individuals thay I have ever come across on this computer. That stupid PSUEDODOCUMENTARY on Animal Planet was fiction. The websites with the closings and censoring is FICTION. The Government did not waste a ton of money studying mermaids either because they don’t, DON’T EXIST. You freaking people are so gullible. Holy Cow, Pinot, you win, with your stupid acknowledgement about the site being blocked. PART OF THE SHOW’S IDEA.

    • http://yahoo James

      There IS a God and I pray you find out that He is not a fantasy before it’s too late for you.

      • oskar

        Oh really? And what PROOF do you have? Where is solid evidence that a god exists? Any god. Historically there is none. All this happened at a time when people were both ignorant and bored. Making stuff up kept them entertained. Sorta like U-tube. But,what makes you believe that any deity is not a mind fiction created by semi illiterate scribes? Then, if any god is really so great, how could he or she screw up the world so badly? Sounds like ineptitude at best and ineffective on the other.

        • Dr, John Cook

          Hear, hear!

          Thank you Oskar! Well said! Absolutely ZERO evidence!

          Religion; America’s legal insanity! I get so tired of the uneducated, myth believing people who would rather receive their info from fairy tales and rumors across the backyard fence than from any empirical sources. They make my life difficult, and they perpetuate danger as they are willing to kill for these mythical Gods. There have been as many as 63,000 different Gods, but somehow, the Christians think theirs is the only real one while dismissing all the rest.

          I go it one better! I wish more would do the same.

          Christians, Read your Bible… and think about it too. Your God is a War God and a horrid monster! It’s all in that XXX book that children should never see.

  • http://MSN KpncoolinAFG

    Oh This is so untrue!! I have been married to a mermaid for the last ten years. We have two wonderful little mer-children. I have an old herse that I converted into a driving aquarium. You shgould see the looks on peoples faces as I try to cram my screaming kids into the aquarium hatch after a day at the beach!! Thought I was tryoing to drown them. &#@(! Landlubbers!

  • http://yahoo Linda

    People will believe anything they see on TV, won’t they? Are we supposed to be intelligent life?????

  • mike

    I am not saying that Mermaids exist, but science says that ocean mammals bone structure proves they once walked the earth but returned to the sea. So why is it it so hard for people to accept the idea that some groups of humans could also have retreated to the sea during the ice age and not returned, just as our sea mammals have? Add to that the age old legends of Mermaids.

    • Effi

      As long as we depend on bureaucrats to tell us what to believe we will always be too frightened to believe what our eyes tell us. And of course modern ‘scientists’ and our bureaucrats know everything there is to know about everything. More than all humanity and cultures have ever known and passed down to us through the ages.

  • Charlene Ryan

    Oh, and what is the “Bloop”? Curious minds want to know!

    • jasmeet

      dnt u have google??? search on it…heheheh…lollz>>:P

  • http://www.weirdreview.com John Collins

    LOL A well written article on a not so well thought out bit of research by our government.

    At least our government is still funding some of the most important projects out there…

    Like NORAD assisting Santa!

    http://www.nasa.gov/centers/goddard/news/features/2011/santa.html

  • Mabel

    some scientist are saying God is not real but, he is. so what now?If there were gods like Zesus which we have not seen then the possibility of mermaid been real is 99.99%

  • Samantha

    Hmm i believe that god made many things us humans have not dicovered i believe their just might be things such as bigfoot and maybe even vampires but not in the forms humans believe they are in….

    • Dr, John Cook

      God? It’s just as sad that you believe in the God myth as the bigfoot myth. Both have similar origins; the ignorant, frightened, poorly educated masses of common people.

      Did you ever consider that if God made man (instead of the other way around) he would have been wiser than to make only Adam and Eve. They had two sons, and from that small start, the earth was populated…

      Think about that a while.
      Take as much time as you want.

      Please, you poor frightened person, it’s a myth–just like Bigfoot, the Yeti, Mermaids, Flying Saucers, Fire Breathing Dragons, Chupacabra, (caused by Sarcoptes scabiei) and the 2,432 other proven myths this planet’s ignorant people have insisted are real over the centuries. Evolution is real, the earth is 4 billion years old, round, and it actually orbits the sun, unlike the myths the bible claims.

      Ignorance is the problem that causes religion; America’s legal insanity!

      Why do you think the majority of intelligent people consider it a myth? Because, when you think, instead of simply believe, things suddenly become much clearer and very different.

      • jasmeet

        i dont believe in changing anyone’s opinions and neither do i give this right to anyone else…and dr.John crook…i dnt knoe about you religion but i was born in a sikh religion…so u think for a while…read our histry…your newly born science .whatsoever it has done…everything is written in our holy book…”GURU GRANTH SAHIB”…and when u get u want u will definately change…and that’s for sure…and dnt u dare call GOD A MYTH>>>PLEASE>>

  • Audrina

    Im just not understanding this.

    God creates all creatures ( all beautiful ] in his own idea of what beautiful is.

    We are forced and bombarded with videos and documentaries on animal planet and on the internet about Bigfoot, a Yeti, A devil birds, Loch Ness Monster and now mermaids. River monsters and lost tapes on animal planet are making everyone get more rowdy about this. Its crazy and ridiculous. Besides, humans cant live under water for the following reasons:

    1. Our skin would have to be really thick to maintain heat and not disinegrate due to the skin shriveling up underwater ( so if mermaids were real, they would be thicker, not thin ]
    2. They would have to be bald because hair is dead and can also disinigrate if not that then be dragged leading to hair falling out ( leaving these creatures bald ]

    So honestly? Mermaids may or may not exist, but only in movies and fantasies will they be drop dead gorgeous, head full of hair, hourglass figure, beautiful ‘singing’ voice

    - shrugs -
    I Guess.

    • destinee

      i think mermaids exist people wake up all those wierd sightings of strange creatures the beach after that big hurricane what about those i belive in mermaids mabey if u go on youtube and look up mermaid found on the coast then maby you will belive god made this earth thy can have hair n matter wat u put in it it will stay there unless u have hair problems god made this earth he canmake neew creatures and they dont have to be preety but they r real.

  • DaMidwesterner

    As usual, NOAA is neck-deep in the coverup and is completely involved in the conspiracy….

    :D

  • nicole

    its hard these days to tell whats real and whats not from leprechauns to aliens to mermaids either some people really have a great great imagination and they create these things or it came from something that was here whose to say and this may sound crazy but befor god made humans if u believe in god tht he didnt create creatures and things just to try things out and then created humans,as far as mermaids no human can go tht deep to the ocean floor and it for a reason because god doesnt want us to see every single thng so its no tellin whats down tht deep.

  • jasmeet

    they exist i internally feel that if they don’t why are their paintings carved in our human history ??? why did our forefathers told us storys about such creatue!!!??? this is all meant to be like this…i m searching on then since i was a chils and its been long a year that i have concluded that do REALLY EXIST !!! and i believe that they are ought to be hidden because far away form this crying and killing world they are living a life of peace,faith ,truth and LOVE!!! if they don’t want to be get noticed and its god’s grace no one from us can even think of them because they are fao-off from our imagination….they are pure creatures…and i sincerely wish they live a great life….and may god bless the race of homo sapiens…

  • Nina

    Mermaids are real. We have not explored the rest of the deep blue sea yet and you are already saying mermaids are not real such a stupid lie. check out animalplanet.com/mermaids and see whats there i bet you, that memmaids are real there just not you expect them to be like s model from the magazines but more beautiful, they are beautiful in there own way never forget that.