Limp Bizkit, Daytona, and Chris Brown’s iPhone Problems

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

@agentbizzle
brian altanoCongrats to Limp Bizkit for signing to Cash Money records! To celebrate i also put a bag of trash into a slightly bigger dumpster. 1 hour ago via TweetDeck · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@michaelianblack
Michael Ian BlackI’m starting to think Chris Brown might not be a great guy. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@BDolanSFR
B. Dolan With the recent acquisition of Limp Bizkit, Busta Rhymes, and rumors of tracks with Ashanti, YMCM is poised to be the hottest label of 1999. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzChris Brown has been accused of stealing a woman’s cellphone outside a club. Looking forward to their duet in two years. 6 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@billmaher
Bill MaherIf #Obama cured cancer the Republicans wld say he’s trying to mandate what kind of cells we can have in our body 20 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JordyHamrick
JordanChris Brown steals a fan’s iPhone. Siri must have been terrified. 8 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNDanica Patrick crashed during a Daytona qualifier today, successfully qualifying herself as a woman. 22 hours ago via Twitter for Mac · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@anthonyjeselnik
Anthony JeselnikLooks like Chris Brown finally crossed the line with this cell phone theft. 18 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@DanWolken
Dan WolkenHere at Daytona. Danica Patrick will sit on the pole for tomorrow’s Nationwide race. 11 minutes ago via Seesmic · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@juliussharpe
Julius SharpeMy laziness just reached a new level when I was too tired to download an app. 56 minutes ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonWhite guys who take shirtless pics of themselves in their bathroom mirror will most likely die in an alcohol-related wakeboard accident. 1 hour ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@DamienFahey
Damien FaheyIf I’ve given you a card at your birthday party, know I bought it a half-hour ago and signed it on the dashboard of my car 5 minutes ago. 2 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@hihough
James HoughMeryl Streep could take a dump and it’d get nominated for an Oscar. 2 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@hipstermermaid
braden graeberThought I saw an overrated pop star in the distance. Turns out it was just a Nicki Mirage. 5 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto