Life Alert, Replacement Refs, and Pandas
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Someone call Liam Neeson and tell him Roger Goodell has taken our referees.
There’s nothing scarier than a squirrel who’s not afraid of you.
ROMNEY IS RIGHT! AIRPLANE WINDOW SHOULD ROLL DOWN! HOW ELSE WILL YOU KNOW IF YOU DOG IS OKAY ON WING?
Naming your daughter “Mercedes” is a great way to ensure she’ll have a long and fulfilling life as a mobster’s wife.
You’ll all be eating your words after the big earthquake next week that makes Apple Maps 100% accurate.
Man, the dudes that come to your house when you push that Life Alert button have no sense of humor!
In a surprise move, Lindsay Lohan’s lungs have leap-frogged her liver in an attempt to become the first organs to reject her body.
If you’re holding your baby & I walk up and hug it, according to the NFL replacement refs, you have to give me your baby. #MNF [Green Bay]
Wanted to stay celibate but I blew it. (tweet for a girl)
Replacement refs are more clueless than Khloe Kardashian at a salad bar.
Take a minute out of each day to appreciate how hard it is for pandas to make love.
“Thanks for nothing!” – Grateful Nihilist