@Fake_Dispatch
Fake Dispatch95% of High School students could not find Uganda on a map. When shown the map, 65% of them tried to change the channel. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@FauxJohnMadden
Faux John MaddenPeyton Manning meeting with Broncos. If this leads to Skip Bayless spontaneously combusting, John Elway should win a Nobel Prize 14 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKPUTIN RETURN TO JOB NO ONE WANT HIM TO HAVE! HE LIKE RUSSIA VERSION OF JAY LENO! 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@SteveCorino
Steve CorinoBad news: “Disco Inferno” signer James Ellis died at age 74. Worse news: Disco Inferno, the wrestler, is still alive. 7 hours ago via txt ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@GuyEndoreKaiser
Guy Endore-KaiserNo one’s best day ever started or ended in a beanbag chair. 55 minutes ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@AaronStarmer
Aaron StarmerI hope there’s a scene in JOHN CARTER where Tim Riggins brushes back his bangs, cracks a beer and says “Mars forever, QB1. Mars forever.” 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@michaeljnelson
Michael J NelsonNo, I won’t see John Carter ever. Nothing against the film, just bitter that Hollywood rejected my Carter-based action film, “Billy”. 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@zachbraff
Zach BraffHave you heard Mitt Romney’s new campaign slogan? Romney 2012: meh 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@DamienFahey
Damien FaheyThe ‘Family Size’ bag of Doritos is probably the meanest way to taunt an orphan in a grocery store. 30 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonSomeone should tell old couples that email addresses are free, they can each have their own. 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeIt’s slightly harder to stream copyrighted material than it was before Megavideo shut down. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@badbanana
Tim SiedellWe have enough breakfast items for the toaster now, food scientists. Move on to the car heater vent. 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@HAL9000_
HAL 9000Sure my Facebook relationship says “It’s complicated”. That’s only because my girlfriend was written with C++ and Java 4 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto