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Instagram, Kristen Stewart, and Asparagus

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Instagram, Kristen Stewart, and Asparagus
[ Life]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

Your mom is about about to get super into Instagram.(image) 36 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Bubba Watson cries at The Masters jacket ceremony after he realizes it doesnt come in pink.(image) 18 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Of course Mark Zuckerberg bought Instagram. If he can’t own Apple he might as well own hipsters 2nd favorite thing in the world after jorts.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Kristen Stewart’s creators uploaded a new emotion for her birthday.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

A million dollars isn’t cool, blowing a billion dollars on an app that makes your food look cool is cool.(image) 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I hope in NBA 2K13, instead of “Quit Game”, the menu says “Lamar Odom”.(image) 44 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Rough weekend. Glad that’s over.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I find eating asparagus is probably the best way to start a casual conversation about piss.(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

So does this mean that employers will be asking me for access to my Instagram account too?(image) 50 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Facebook bought Instagram? And here I was wondering how everyone’s ugly baby pictures could get even uglier.(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Mondays are the Kid Rock of days.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I don’t want to be one of those people who’s on his death bed and says, “I didn’t spend enough time on the Internet.”(image) 6 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The sad part is, that instagram guy probably would’ve just traded the app for tickets to Coachella.(image) 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Instagram, Kristen Stewart, and Asparagus
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