Groupon, Chad Johnson, and Gambler’s Anonymous
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Oh my god, I just thought of the worst job ever. The guy at Groupon who has to think of a new way each day to describe laser hair removal.
— Farhad Manjoo (@fmanjoo) August 14, 2012
The Price Is Right: the only time it’a socially acceptable to get excited over vacuums and Drew Carey.
— Amy Willard (@awphotographs) August 14, 2012
I was an awful parent to my children, but I’m still better than the entire cast of ‘Teen Mom’.
— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) August 14, 2012
I can’t believe the Hard Knocks writers killed off Chad Johnson.
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers21) August 13, 2012
I’d be a shitty Mexican cause if I saw the face of Jesus Christ in a tortilla, I’d still eat it.
— Not Gary Busey (@NotGaryBusey) August 14, 2012
Before you judge Mitt Romney by his wealth, try walking a mile in his backyard.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) August 14, 2012
Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they’re all panicked over who’s getting deleted.
— ←Яσßiɲ! ⚓ (@ROBIN_OFF) August 14, 2012
Liking your own Facebook status is like giving yourself a high five in public
— TED (@TedInRealLife) August 14, 2012
Stop promoting that picture, one of those dogs ended up in Gamblers Anonymous
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 14, 2012
DID YOU KNOW: The average Apple worker works 16 hours longer than the average Apple battery.
— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) August 14, 2012
My office caters free lunch every day for free so I never get to eat what I want.
— First World Life (@FirstWorldLife) August 14, 2012