Columbus Day, Danny DeVito, And Finger Cancer
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
This Mexican restaurant doesn’t serve chips and salsa so I guess people can just do whatever the fuck they want now?
My 6 yr old proudly showed me piece of bamboo he found on the street. The excitement I showed him should get me a Golden Globe nomination.
Tonight, in honor of Columbus Day, Jets will try to discover uncharted land– their own end-zone.
Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman have split after 30 years as one combined normal-sized human being.
Breaking: Anyone who didn’t get off today thinks Christopher Columbus can suck a dick.
TEEN DRINK LIQUID NITROGEN COCKTAIL! AND LOSE STOMACH! THAT TIME DRUNK HULK LOSE VIRGINITY AFTER COCKTAIL SUDDENLY NO BIG DEAL!
Slow walkers often don’t know they are slow walkers. It’s time we tell them. You first.
Man it is gonna suck when we find out that our phones were giving us finger cancer the whole time.
Today must be especially tough for Leif Ericson’s publicists.
I’ve had more sex in video games than I have in real life. #firstworldproblems
“Mondays, am I right?” – Jeopardy contestant who doesn’t really understand the format
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman got separated, but luckily, both immediately knew to find a store security guard.