@StevenAmiri
Steven AmiriI bet the producers of Dancing With The Stars are pretty upset that Charles Manson was denied parole. 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@blainecapatch
blaine capatchmy auto-correct just changed “corn syrup” to “type 2 diabetes”. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@NathanFillion
Nathan FillionThe people that say childbirth is the most painful thing to endure have clearly never stepped on a Lego. 36 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@RitleySammich
Ridley It’s been 7 years since the premiere of the Deadliest Catch and it doesn’t seem like these stupid crabs have learned a goddamn thing. 20 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzI’m writing a Young Adult novel about a dystopian society in which all entertainment is aimed at 13-year-olds. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@NotBillWalton
The Bill Walton TripAfter his first child was born today, Tony Romo was choked up. It’s good to see that fatherhood hasn’t changed him. 21 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@Joan_Rivers
Joan RiversIf Mitt Romney looks a little thinner than usual it’s because he’s lost a couple hundred unwanted pounds…Rick Santorum. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@trevso_electric
Trevor S“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”
-Matthew Broderick proposing marriage. 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKBACON SUNDAE AT BURGER KING! HOT DOG STUFF CRUST AT PIZZA HUT! AND BACON COFFIN! LOOK LIKE AL QAEDA PLAYING LONG GAME NOW! 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@RexHuppke
Rex HuppkeIf Charles Manson gets paroled he could run for public office in Arizona as a moderate. 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JudsonCollier
Judson Collier“If Britney Spears can make through the entirety of 2007, you can make it through today”. That’s a good word. 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@PaulyPeligroso
Pauly CasillasAmericans consume less sushi than there are pictures of sushi on Instagram. 36 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@EliBraden
Eli BradenHow funny would it be if they let 77-year-old Charles Manson out of prison & he just immediately started slaughtering C-list celebs again? 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@TheFakeCNN
The Fake CNNWhite House: Sources confirm VP Joe Biden is stuck on a really hard level in Angry Birds Space. 9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonWatching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm. 18 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto