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Charles Manson, Deadliest Catch, and Legos

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Charles Manson, Deadliest Catch, and Legos
[ Life]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

[Lead Image Courtesy The Oatmeal]

I bet the producers of Dancing With The Stars are pretty upset that Charles Manson was denied parole.(image) 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

my auto-correct just changed “corn syrup” to “type 2 diabetes”.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The people that say childbirth is the most painful thing to endure have clearly never stepped on a Lego.(image) 36 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s been 7 years since the premiere of the Deadliest Catch and it doesn’t seem like these stupid crabs have learned a goddamn thing.(image) 20 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’m writing a Young Adult novel about a dystopian society in which all entertainment is aimed at 13-year-olds.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

After his first child was born today, Tony Romo was choked up. It’s good to see that fatherhood hasn’t changed him.(image) 21 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If Mitt Romney looks a little thinner than usual it’s because he’s lost a couple hundred unwanted pounds…Rick Santorum.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”
-Matthew Broderick proposing marriage.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

BACON SUNDAE AT BURGER KING! HOT DOG STUFF CRUST AT PIZZA HUT! AND BACON COFFIN! LOOK LIKE AL QAEDA PLAYING LONG GAME NOW!(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If Charles Manson gets paroled he could run for public office in Arizona as a moderate.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“If Britney Spears can make through the entirety of 2007, you can make it through today”. That’s a good word.(image) 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Americans consume less sushi than there are pictures of sushi on Instagram.(image) 36 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

How funny would it be if they let 77-year-old Charles Manson out of prison & he just immediately started slaughtering C-list celebs again?(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

White House: Sources confirm VP Joe Biden is stuck on a really hard level in Angry Birds Space.(image) 9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.(image) 18 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Charles Manson, Deadliest Catch, and Legos
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