Ass Kicking Presidential Portraits Get The Job Done

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Everyone in the United States knows that one of the reasons we have become one of the most powerful nations to inhabit the earth in all of history is because we have fantastic presidential leaders. What is not known was why exactly they are badass leaders. Was it because they were awesome diplomats? Or maybe because they bartered peace between 2 warring countries. No, it was because they kicked ass and took names.

Jason Heuser is an American artist from San Francisco who decided to put his patriotism and love for history into these amazing prints. He decided to show the true history of some of our most beloved Presidents. All of this artwork is also available to buy on his Etsy page for around $25. Check out his Deviant Art page too for more great awesomeness.

You know, I do a lot of these types of posts, but I cannot remember one that I have been more excited to do. I was nearly giddy while writing this up. From Kennedy’s robot unicorn on the moon, to Reagan’s uzi that says Gipper on the side, I was laughing the entire time I wrote this. I really hope Jason is able to do more of these pieces. Oh, and I also threw in a print of how Ben Franklin really discovered electricity….he took it from Zues’ cold dead hands.

Ronald Reagan Riding A Velociraptor


“‘Mr. Gorbachev, I tore down that wall!’ The famous speech President Ronald Reagan gave after he destroyed the Berlin wall. He rode he most trusty steed into battle…a raptor which he had the CIA clone for such an occasion. Practice Reaganomics today and buy this print to show your love for ‘merica!”

George Washington Zombie Hunter


“George Washington was known for many things…being a great general, having wooden dentures (okay they weren’t really wooden, cutting down the cherry tree, and being nicknamed the ‘Destroyer of Villages.’ But what many don’t know is he was an avid zombie hunter. This is a picture of one of his many adventures out into the night to give some ‘Liberty and Justice to all.’”

Abe Lincoln Riding a Grizzly


“If history could only be this awesome, Abe Lincoln riding the worlds most awesome bear, the Grizzly. He’s also carrying the worlds most awesome gun the M16. Enjoy this piece of historic and accurate work.”

John F. Kennedy Alien Hunter


“In 1963 after the alleged JFK assassination, John F. Kennedy was sent the moon to be the first man to walk on the moon. This was kept secret to us, and we were made to believe he was assassinated on November 22nd, 1963. Upon arrival his mission was to clear the moon of any alien life to make future moon landings easy and safe. He lived on the moon for 26 years hunting and slaying aliens until NASA lost communication….his death has still not been confirmed however and many believe hes still murdering aliens today.”

Teddy Roosevelt VS. Bigfoot


“He’s one of America’s most bad-ass presidents….Teddy Roosevelt. Not only did Teddy Roosevelt give a speech with a bullet in his chest, but what many people don’t know is he slaughtered many bigfoot in his time…this is a picture of one of those events.”

Thomas Jefferson Vs Gorilla


“Thomas Jefferson was never much of a warrior history tells us, but yet again history is wrong. This is an image of one of the many attempts by Jefferson to battle all the manliest animals on earth while trying to teach them the ways of America.”

FDR Battle Master


“FDR, arguable one of the best presidents of all time. Known for his program “The New Deal” and other such accomplishments, what is not not known is his many victories in battle against many different types of enemies. FDR possessed great power and technology as can be seen from his transforming wheel chair in which he slayed many foes.”

Andrew Jackson Alien Slayer


“In the year 2055 the world was invaded, humanity sat on the brink of destruction the world governments united and sent agents back in time to get the best general we’d ever known…Andrew Jackson and throughout his life he did a lot of cool shit, dueled people…a lot which is how he ended up with a musket ball in his chest pretty much exactly like Tony Stark. Went to war, gambled, etc, etc . This is a war portrait as he stands victorious in yet another battle.”

Ben Franklin VS. Zeus


“In 1752 before Ben Franklin invented pizza, Gameboy, the iPad2 or Mexican food, he was contemplating how to conquer electricity. Being the genius he was he decided go get it at its source, this being Zeus. Strapping himself to a kite, and equipping some homemade lightning claws he ascended through the clouds and into the realm of the Gods to battle it out with Zeus. This is a painting capturing the exact moment the battle started.”

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  • LordTwinkie

    hate to be pedantic but Ben Franklin wasn’t a president

    • http://www.webpronews.com/author/richard-stalker Richard Stalker

      and I hate to be a jerk, but I made it very clear that I threw in Ben Franklin. You have to read the article, then criticize.

  • http://sanalkurs.net JSM

    Very interesting! Cool :)

  • http://JeremiahPhoto.com Jeremiah

    This is ridiculous and unbelievable. Everybody knows that Teddy Roosevelt would never assault a bigfoot (he was the son of a bigfoot, duh) and that Jefferson only sparred with gorillas as friends because they liked to help him train. ‘MERICA!

  • Matthew Ota

    This is not only disrespectful of our presidents, it also shows profound ignorance of American history. Benjamin Franklin was not a and never was a president.

    • Bill

      The only person here ignorant of anything is you; ignorant to this article’s status as a humor piece, ignorant to the absurdity and hilarity inherent in these pictures, and ignorant to the amazing artistic creativity it took to generate such ironic and pseudo-accurate representations of these American Giants. Just because one of them isn’t a president doesn’t mean anyone is ignorant of anything, it’s simply an acknowledgement of Ben’s place and his contributions in our shared History.

      It’s called ‘appreciation.’ Whether it’s for this artist’s work or the role these men played in our history, I don’t think you have any.

      • fireblade457@gmail.com

        The article says “Oh, and I also threw in a print of how Ben Franklin really discovered electricity….he took it from Zues’ cold dead hands” Learn to fact check before you criticize. It makes your argument far more convincing when your facts are correct.

  • J

    Ignore the critics – This is good and humorous stuff.

  • Howard Montgomery

    A taste of history appropriate for 4th of July!

  • kinklee

    Interesting style but crappy contexts. Most american presidents were and are douchebags. Its nice to see them shooting up shit they forgot to shoot when they were alive. No geobush II though. Thought that cee you next tuesday might have made the list of shoot’em uppers.

  • max

    Hahahah… GOOD ONE!! But i think you forgot to mention the MILLIONS of innocent women and children that your presidents have massacred. Its great to sit in a room with controlled climatic conditions, good healthcare, education systems and draw out character sketches of presidents having a go at imaginative enemies, when in fact the United States of America is responsible for the most number of human injustices that have NEVER been recorded(ill repeat NEVER!)! Kudos My friends, KUDOS!

  • Anon

    All the Presidents get pretty bad ass shots, all except Andrew Jackson. His shot is pretty wussy with him just standing there with a cliche fire behind him. Kinda sad cause he’s the most bad ass president of them all.

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