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White Chicks, Perez Hilton, and Salvation Army Carpet

Today's Funniest Tweets

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White Chicks, Perez Hilton, and Salvation Army Carpet
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

White Chicks will forever be one of the funniest movies out there. 21 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Did you hear that @NASA has found an inhabitable, Kardashian-Free planet? 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Remember, your monkey butler is HIGHLY sexualized. 3 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto

I’m worried Perez Hilton might be another one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s maid babies. 2 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

Maybe the Big East just knows something about plate tectonics and continental drift that the rest of us don’t. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

If you ask me for a follow back, I create a Wikipedia page for you and tell the world you put vegetables in your butt. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Finally learned how to say Ndamukong Suh’s name. It’s pronounced, “Asshole”. 2 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto

“He’s making a list, checking it twice…” – Schindler Claus 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Lots of interesting smells in this Salvation Army fitting room carpet. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

You. Are. Fucking. Retarded. RT @KimKardashian: Can’t get my boot off &I’m all by myself! What 2 do! LOL I need someone to pull it off! 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

I broke off all contact with my sister when she named her son Jaden. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

The new habitable planet NASA discovered is making Earth look like a real shithole. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? “Give me your cell number.” 3 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Did Steven Spielberg really direct a new movie called Whore Horse about slutty horses? 8 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

If I was Marty McFly, Lorraine would’ve gotten fucked. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

Hey anyone named Maryellen. Pick a name and go with it. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

White Chicks, Perez Hilton, and Salvation Army Carpet
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