The Oscars, National Peanut Butter Day, and Mitt Romney’s Tax Rate
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Shame on the rise after local area man makes eye contact with dog on National Peanut Butter Day.
TIP FOR THE LADIES: Steer clear of any Personals ad that says, “Seeking Companionship for 30-40 Seconds, Tops”
Today is National Peanut Butter Day. They have to stop letting Paula Deen name holidays
Congrats to Sarah Jessica Parker for her Oscar nomination in ‘War Horse.’
R1D1 must have sucked.
Didn’t see the Help because I’m not a guilty white soccer mom but I’m sure it’s very racially hopeful and sincere. Yay!
I mean, just so we’re clear: from here on out, in trailers for any movie he’s in, we’re going to see “Academy Award Nominee Jonah Hill.”
Romney is so tight-assed white he’s even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor’s tight-assed white guy impression.
I’ve had blood alcohol levels higher than Mitt Romney’s tax rate.
The best method for early cancer detection is Newt Gingrich.
Parachute into the Capitol during the State of the Union and challenge Obama to a Lincoln-Douglas debate to the death.
@NASA skymiles.After 11 years orbiting Jupiter I think it is finally time to cash in my
Can we replace the obligatory “How are you?” with something people actually are interested in, like “Hi. When’s the last time you got laid?”
So glad I’m a guy. Haven’t fought with a friend since 1987.