The Oscars, Asteroids, and Children’s Books Made More Exciting

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today we catch a pretty funny trending hashtag, #ChildrensBooksMadeMoreExciting. Twitter is also buzzing about the news coming out of the Academy Awards and we learn what it means to have a phone voice similar to your real voice.

Enjoy!

@IGotsSmarts
Steve M*******skiAnswer: They lie dormant for a period of time before becoming active and irritating. Question: What are cold sores or Coldplay. 1 hour ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto

@DangerGuerrero
Danger GuerreroI see no legitimate reason why Ghostface Killah can’t host this year’s Academy Awards. 1 hour ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNBelichick says they tried everything to make Haynesworth work, including putting a picture of a pork chop on the inside of his visor. 2 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

@MrsStephenFry
Mrs Stephen FryThe Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Malfunction #ChildrensBooksMadeMoreExciting 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@Coastiefish
Matt SmithIf your phone voice isn’t different than your regular voice, I will assume that you’re a serial killer. 2 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzAn asteroid just failed to destroy the Earth, so it’s up to Goldman Sachs now. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@DanMacEachern
Daniel MacEachernBi-Curious George #ChildrensBooksMadeMoreExciting 4 hours ago via Twittelator · powered by @socialditto

@tendonstrength
Bri-Bri T.I heard that Herman Cain came up with his 999 plan while he was interviewing a German woman for a job. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@clarkekant
Clarke KantIf God loved us, doughnuts would be health food. 5 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@dodgerthoughts
Jon WeismanTwitter has made it clear that a 12-week reality show in which a dozen potential #Oscars hosts competed against each other would be a hit. 1 hour ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonWatching my dad use his new iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try to communicate with her dead grandma on a Ouija board. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@GarryShandling
Garry ShandlingSince when is Earth afraid of asteroids, by the way? We’re
America. 36 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeWork only lets me use IE, so when I accidentally type things in the address bar, it brings up Bing. #FirstWorldProblems 28 minutes ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto

@mlkef
mlkef not milfIn my experience, cross-eyed employees are the best deterrent against shoplifting. You just can’t be positive that they’re not watching. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto