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The Dark Knight Rises, Jon Bon Jovi, and Hot Pockets

Today's Funniest Tweets

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The Dark Knight Rises, Jon Bon Jovi, and Hot Pockets
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today we have tweets about the fake news spread on Twitter announcing Jon Bon Jovi’s death. We also see why one YouTube user said after watching a new trailer and find out how hard a Hot Pocket is on your stomach.

Enjoy!

Feel sorry for the cheerleaders… the stadium pitch black and Ben Roethlisberger lurking in the vicinity. 19 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

I always peek at my presents. And by “peek” I mean “waterboard my friends until they confess what they got me.” I hate surprises. 1 hour ago via Batcomputer · powered by @socialditto

One more week and Mannheim Steamroller gets to coast until next December. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

We are sad to learn of the non-passing of Jon Bon Jovi. The music world mourns his remaining alive, and we send our condolences to his fan. 9 hours ago via Facebook · powered by @socialditto

With Jon Bon Jovi dead you have to wonder what’ll happen with his nuclear weapons. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Palin says she is considering running for President “just for the free clothes and shit.” 44 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

“I just ejaculated.” — Youtube comment on The Dark Knight Rises trailer. Well said, Kameel661. Well said. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

They keep calling them “Mission Impossible” movies, but the missions keep turning out to have been possible. I call bullshit. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPad · powered by @socialditto

A Hot Pocket is like a Rubik’s Cube for your digestive system. 13 hours ago via WitStream · powered by @socialditto

My favorite drinking game is waking up. 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

All I want for Christmas is for radio stations to stop playing Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you”. 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

Found a Dusty Springfield album in the attic. Actually, it’s a Rick Springfield album, it’s just been up there a while. 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

Since the Steelers appear in the new Batman movie does that mean that proportionally the Browns must now cameo in a Ghost Rider sequel? 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I have a Weezer song stuck in my head but it’s not one from the blue album or Pinkerton. #firstworldproblems 58 minutes ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto

Ohio State banned from postseason play in 2012. Now Urban Meyer can coach AND spend more time with his family. 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

#lastminutegift a 40 ounce with a bow on it 25 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

can’t wait to not understand either side of any conversation between batman and bane in the dark knight rises. 15 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

The Dark Knight Rises, Jon Bon Jovi, and Hot Pockets
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