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National Margarita Day, Lent, and Texting For Beginners

Today's Funniest Tweets

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National Margarita Day, Lent, and Texting For Beginners
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

It’s National Margarita Day! Who wants to salt my rim? 3 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The deli forgot the paper between my cheese slices, and now they’re stuck together. #firstworldproblems 39 minutes ago via twitterfeed ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent. #L8 4 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Today is Ash Wednesday, the joyous day upon which we celebrate the life of Ash Ketchum and make vows to catch ‘em all in the coming year. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Live each day like it’s National Margarita Day. Actually, don’t. That’s alcoholism. Today only, live like it’s National Margarita Day. 2 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

When National Margarita Day falls on Ash Wednesday, does it mean Catholics must give up Jimmy Buffett for Lent? That shouldn’t be too hard. 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Ash Wednesday is the day we all get together and watch the Evil Dead movies, right? 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Pop Warner has announced they’ll start using NFL rules in order to better protect their kids from injury. 15 minutes ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’d say you’re more of a mix between an Ewok and a hooker. RT @KimKardashian: I’m such a mix between Charlotte and Carrie! 44 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Texting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up. 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“Grandpa, grandpa! Tell us again about the time you whittled a 189 character idea down to a perfect 140 character tweet!” 46 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“Don’t steal, don’t kill, put some stuff on your forehead, maybe sometimes don’t eat meat? Look, I’m clearly running out of ideas here” -God 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’m dorky enough to know that there’s an Orc who looks like Alice Cooper in “The Two Towers”. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I just had a cup of coffee so terrible that Stephenie Meyer is writing a series of books about it. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Newt Gingrich’s hair looks like it was cut by a right-handed dude using left-handed safety scissors. 3 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

National Margarita Day, Lent, and Texting For Beginners
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