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Mardi Gras, Brady Quinn, and Doritos Tacos

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Mardi Gras, Brady Quinn, and Doritos Tacos
[ Business]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

I don’t know, king cake. I prefer not to put myself in situations where surprise babies may emerge at any time. 1 hour ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

‘Girl, you look as good as a King Cake. Let me put a baby in you.’ Top pickup line of the season/century. 1 day ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Not to sound all high & mighty, but I just smoked a bowl and bench pressed 200 lbs 28 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day & Cinco De Mayo are the 3 most important religious holidays for belligerent drunks everyone hated in college. 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Nicki Minaj gave up rapping for Lent, even before it was Lent. She’s truly devout. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s almost Lent which reminds me of when God said, “A few times a year, to prove you love me, do some weird stuff.” 44 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

GQ should ask Brady Quinn about something he’s qualified to answer, like his thoughts on David Beckham’s performance as an underwear model 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The fact that Brady Quinn dumped on Tebow is not news. The news is that for some reason someone interviewed Brady Quinn. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’m hoping to give up celibacy for lent. 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Awwww yeah. 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’m rooting for the divorced girl to win “The Bachelor.” It would be more improbable than Gonzaga winning March Madness. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Anyone who can stand Chris Brown has obviously never had the shit beat out of them or they are Rihanna. 1 hour ago via twicca ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

To avoid further controversy, people of Asian descent should only be described as “Linscrutable.” #Linsanity 1 hour ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I can’t walk through Costco without constantly being offered free, delicious food. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Eating McDonalds is like bungee jumping: you know theres a chance you may die, but you take a leap of faith and hope you dont shit yourself 3 hours ago via twicca ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

How did anyone convince us that Nature Valley granola bars are food? 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Just re-read the Book of Revelation, and there are at least sixteen different references to sweater vests. 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If there’s life on other planets, they probably had the technology to create Doritos Locos Tacos hundreds of years ago. 5 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Mardi Gras, Brady Quinn, and Doritos Tacos
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