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Judgment Day May 21: Tips for Believers and Non-Believers

Fun with the end times!

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Judgment Day May 21: Tips for Believers and Non-Believers
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So we’ve all heard the news that the rapture may, in fact, happen tomorrow at 6pm. Biblical numerologist Harold Camping sez that a sweeping rapture will take around 200 million souls to heaven, leaving the rest of us here to, I’m assuming, ride roller-coasters and eat at Bob Evans until October 21st, the day when he says the world will actually end as we know it.

Fun.

Here are some things you can do, whether you believe that the end times are upon us or not – and whether it actually happens or not.

Let’s say you don’t fear the the apocalypse is coming, but you know people who do. Well, here’s what you should do: Rapture Prank.

The idea is swirling around the interwebs that the best thing to do tonight and early tomorrow morning is to discard you clothing, shoes and other personal effects around the streets of your town. Hopefully, it will look like you have been raptured. The people who believe in the rapture will think they have been passed up, and hilarity will ensue. Twitter is seeing two hashtags emerge, #RapturePrank and #RaptureBomb, the latter seems to be promoted by Gizmodo.

#Rapture prank: On Saturday, take some of your old clothes and shoes and leave sets of them arranged on sidewalks and lawns around town. 2 days ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

Anybody have good #rapturebomb ideas? I was thinking of sitting some clothes on an old bicycle. http://gizmo.do/lNCPcr 1 hour ago via Tweetie for Mac · powered by @socialditto

If you want to ditch your Judgment Day-believing family forever and really mess with their heads in the process, tomorrow’s the day to do it 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

So what if the Rapture actually does take place as predicted. Well, damn. You’re left behind. Kinda sucks, but what to do now?

Well, the first thing you’re going to want to do is start looting. Yes, it might seem odd to begin to erode the fabric of humanity and decency so soon – but if you don’t then somebody will. And you don’t want to be left with all the crap guns and Kroger-brand chili. You want the good stuff.

Right now, an event is popular on Facebook entitled “Post rapture looting.” It’s info says “when everyone is gone and god’s not looking, we need to pick up some sweet stereo equipment and maybe some new furniture for the mansion we’re going to squat in.”

True. But almost 600,000 are RSVP’ed as attending. So there is going to be stiff competition for the quality loot. 46,000 are listed as “maybe attending.” They will not act fast enough and miss out on the good stuff. 90,000 are not attending, meaning that they are either choosing to abide by some sort of law and order that won’t exist, or they feel like they will be gone and won’t have the need to loot anything.

Okay, now for the rapture believers. If you believe that you will indeed be leaving this world tomorrow, you must worry about your pets. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA can help.

The service has been around for some time, but they are obviously booming as of late. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA labels itself as “the next best thing to pet salvation in a post rapture world.” They are a group of animal loving atheists that for $135, will care for your pet if you are taken in the rapture. Contracts last 10 years, and you can add additional pets for $20 each.

Don’t leave your beloved puppy to be eaten by hungry post-apocalyptic travelers.

Note: There has been excessive traffic to their inbox. Here’s what they say:

IMPORTANT NOTICE 5/20/11: DUE TO UNPRECEDENTED EMAIL VOLUME OUR EMAIL REPLY ABILITY HAS BEEN MAXED OUT. ONLY CONTRACT SUBMISSIONS WITH PAYPAL SUBMISSIONS WILL BE REPLIED TO IMMEDIATELY. ALL OTHER INQUIRES AND EMAILS WILL BE REPLIED TO BUT WITHIN THE NEXT 24 TO 48 HOURS. OUR APOLOGIES.

What if you have a child in the post rapture world? A question on Quora asks “What are some good post-Rapture activities to do with a 3-year-old?”

I would suggest fairs, carnivals and amusement parks. Maybe a trip to post-apocalyptic Disney World. But the top response on Quora suggests activities based on the book of Revalation:

If you’d prefer a more action-packed role, you could take up polo, since horsemen will be some of the most prominent of the supernatural administrators of Hell on Earth (Revelation 6:1-8).

You could also learn the trumpet, to hang with the six angels of the seventh seal who call forth many of the calamities against the heathen swarms.

The post-Rapture does offer one extreme sport. Using an adapted maker hook, you try to ride the monsters – the dragon (Revelation 12:13-17), the beast from the sea (Revelation 13:1-10), and the beast from the land (Revelation 13:11-18).

I hope this will help all of you. Let’s just hope that if the rapture comes, it takes the form of a zombie apocalypse. I’ve been waiting my whole life for that.

Judgment Day May 21: Tips for Believers and Non-Believers
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  • roberto82

    i just have to say, if it is tomorrow, isnt it already tomorrow in other places of the world? yeah i think so…soooo what is this may 21st our time? i really dont get it, if it’s gonna happen, we’d seen something on news by now from other parts of world, satellite images, live cams…theres nothing…just another joke. The guy raised lot of money. Plus, very simple, no man will know the time of day or the hour, it is only known to God himself….

    • Alfred

      U are 100% true

      • Cave Troll

        Isn’t that prophesying?

    • Bob

      I don’t think so. You are in for a nice surprise. Jesus will surprise us. It is wise to repent while you have time, if you are a sinner. Some of us already did this weekend. Come and pray with us:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mKhlFJT0wA&feature=channel_video_title

  • Bots.bj

    Am slipin its 01:20a.m in my country{BOTSWANA-in africa)..nathin happnd !!. . .

    • Cave Troll

      Fool! If your still in “BOTSWANA-in africa” then it HAS happened for you. Poor Bastard, I’ll try to put in a good word for you with the Boss.

  • Curtis Crocker

    I have enjoyed your humor. IT really does seem quite rediculous, I mean the idea of a rapture and all. And it feels like maybe those who claim they will be raptured are a bit bigoted and arrogant to call themselves God’s chosen saints. To think that those left behind would be considered as the objects of God’s wrath and digust so violent that He would send beasts and angry horsemen with fire and brimstone to punish them…..as though He gets some kind of joy out of destruction. So I understand your amusement at the prospect raised by Mr Camping and his sect. I personally don’t believe this event will take place tomorrow evening even in the next few years. However, I do believe that the Bible predicts an event that removes some people from the earth and leaves others. I also believe that it will be a catastrophic event. I don’t believe that anyone will be taken because they are such good people God will seperate them from the bad people. We are all equally bad according to scripture. The only reason some will be taken and others left is because of desire and belief. Those who believe God is good and want to be with Him on that day are free to go. Those who do not believe and/or do not want to be with Him are free to stay. But no one will be able to say they weren’t warned. Some of us may misinterpret what God is saying, some may not understand, and some find it very difficult to trust it, but when it happens as the scripture says it will, there will be no denying that the way was open to all and each receives what he has accepted.
    I laughed with you, but I also fear that you might not respect the truth of what will eventually be a reality in someones lifetime. After the event it won’t be a laughing matter. Let’s both be ready for that day….. :)

    • Cave Troll

      I’ve had fun here at other’s expense but your post just seems to bizarre. It’s filled with hypocrisy and delusional Grandeur about the value of your own opinion and knowledge. It comes off as a strong arm attempt to force all beliefs through the prism of your cycloptic view. In short, if they can’t claim they’re right, you can’t claim they’re wrong.

  • http://www.revelation-truth.org Rev. Daniel W. Blair

    I am very sad for those who have been following this lie that the rapture will occur on May 21st. Even if they attempt to explain away “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven nor the Son, but only the Father” (Mark 13:32), they cannot explain away that most every Christian, theologian, scholar, and prophet from the first Century until the Nineteenth Century all believed that the church would go through the Great Tribulation and not escape through some secret rapture that would leave the world paralyzed. I pray that they will take a moment and read my book, “Final Warning” because the hour of is His judgment has come. http://www.revelation-truth.org

  • Jlee

    Well said Curtis!!

    • Marissa

      I’m gonna laugh when everything is fine May 23! Even the bible says “No man can predict nor can even Jesus Christ, for the Father, our God, only knows.”

      • Cave Troll

        I don’t know. I know lately, every time President Obama says something about world politics the Pentagon can clearly be heard saying “Jesus Christ” “There he goes again” He’s going to be the end of us yet”. Maybe JC is on the inside. After all how many secrets can a father really keep from his son for a couple of thousand years? Maybe the Pentagon is still water-Boarding.!!

      • Kosgei

        It is 6.55pm in Eldoret Kenya n apart from an earlier thunder n normal rain nothing has happened. Ah may be the ordinary is it. Only God alone knows the time.

  • http://www.confessionsofamovieaddict.com smashy

    I’ve watched the news last nigth/. It was really scary..Well for all we know, GOD only knows.

  • Alfred

    I hope the world dosent end its may 21 5:20 am

    • Cave Troll

      Hello, Alfred? Al? Hello hello?

  • Ben

    Ok.. First off I’d like to say that for those that say “It’s this time and nothing happened!” You’re stupid. If you’ve learned of timezones then you should know it’ll never be the same “time” as other places. But assuming that the 6pm is set for EST American, then of course it’ll be another time for others…

    Now, defending that I’ll just say this. The end of the world comes when Christ decides it. Not some numerologist that thinks he can see through Gods divine plan. If you believe these skepticists then you need to go and pray for forgiveness for ever doubting your makers ability to carry out a plan set out before the time of man. Thanks.

    • daudi

      i think the whole world is going insane.

      • Cave Troll

        You must be crazy

  • http://theamericanhousewife.tumblr.com/ Josephine

    Hi, it’s past 6pm here in Australia and there have been no earthquakes and no graves opening up as claimed. With all the hype around Harold Camping’s notorious proclamations of judgement day and only “true believers” being raptured, we just couldn’t help ourselves…

    http://josephinelock.tumblr.com/

    • Cave Troll

      Oh! your just somebody who didn’t get to go.

  • Cave Troll

    Has anyone called from Australia to say “it hasn’t happened”? If it did who could report it from there?

  • Cave Troll

    Mr. Camping forgot to mention: those left behind will be disillusioned to believe it never happened. Kind of like the cattle at a slaughter house.

  • Cave Troll

    3-2-1-0. !!!!!!!!

  • http://JUDGMENTDAY NO NAME

    ARE YOU PEOPLE FOR REAL THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO RETARDED I REALLY CANT STOP GIGGLING….. LOOTING,RAPTURED, PUTTING OUR STUFF ON THE STREET TAKING OUR PETS TO ETERNAL EARTH SO THEY DONT GET EATEN BY LOOTERS…..JUST LIKE Y2K AND SO MANY OTHER PREDICTIONS OF THE END OF THE WORD THIS IS JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS……OH AND I CANT FORGET TO MENTION TAKE OUR KIDS TO THE post-apocalyptic Disney World…….OMG PEOPLE YOU ALL HAVE ME ON THE FLOOR ROLLING….

  • Fred

    Cave troll, you are pretty dumb.

  • http://JUDGMENTDAY TIFFANY

    ARE YOU PEOPLE FOR REAL THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO RETARDED I REALLY CANT STOP GIGGLING….. LOOTING,RAPTURED, PUTTING OUR STUFF ON THE STREET TAKING OUR PETS TO ETERNAL EARTH SO THEY DONT GET EATEN BY LOOTERS…..JUST LIKE Y2K AND SO MANY OTHER PREDICTIONS OF THE END OF THE WORD THIS IS JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS……OH AND I CANT FORGET TO MENTION TAKE OUR KIDS TO THE post-apocalyptic Disney World…….OMG PEOPLE YOU ALL HAVE ME ON THE FLOOR ROLLING….