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JK Rowling, Gas Prices, and The Male Dictionary

Today's Funniest Tweets

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JK Rowling, Gas Prices, and The Male Dictionary
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

#MaleDictionary “I let you win in Words with Friends” = “I lost and don’t know how to deal with it” 7 minutes ago via CoTweet ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Does JK Rowling’s new novel become the most-anticipated book of all-time? It’s like god announcing a follow-up to the Bible. 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I am annoyed JK Rowling’s new book will be published in English. They never release new literature in C++ anymore. 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

#MaleDictionary : I’m hungry. = I’m hungry. 19 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s halftime at the debate. Would love to see Madonna come on and blow Santorum. #CNNdebate 18 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

#MaleDictionary Let’s watch a movie at my place = Let’s do everything except watch the movie. -LaurenwithAXE 15 minutes ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Guns don’t kill people. Rick Santorum kills people in public restrooms then texts pictures of their corpses to Jared Leto. 18 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Last night’s GOP debate was overshadowed by the palpable sexual tension between Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Gas prices are higher than Wiz Khalifa 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The toothpaste tube is never empty. Car companies should hire Colgate to design their gas tanks. 2 hours ago via Tweetie for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Getting up early to siphon gas from neighbors makes me sleepy. 8 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If I worked at Paramount, I would offer Meryl Streep one billion dollars to go to the Oscars as THE DICTATOR. http://t.co/xQdwEUEq 19 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I don’t care if they were on sale, Alfred. I’m NOT WEARING SUPERMAN BOXER-BRIEFS! 13 minutes ago via Batcomputer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Lennon & McCartney wrote our most enduring and beloved ringtones. 22 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Technically, anything can be a scratch and sniff. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“I’ll keep your legs warm while you’re telling a few racist jokes on a boat.” -Khaki pants 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

JK Rowling, Gas Prices, and The Male Dictionary
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