Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, Twitter explores a wide range of topics including Jerry Sandusky, Flossing, Sbarro, and The View. We also learn why it should feel like 1998 to everyone.
Enjoy!
@Justin_Stangel
Justin StangelI just used the “Find My iPhone” to search for Jerry Sandusky. It says he’s at a Dave & Busters. Not good
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@robfee
Rob FeeJust saw a fat kid in the airport eating Sbarro’s pizza at 9:00am.
I should see if he wants to use this American flag as a napkin. 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@clarkekant
Clarke KantI wish Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-Select-Start worked in real life. 13 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@thesulk
Alec SulkinThe View is like cat vomit that can talk. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@funnyordie
Funny Or DieHey NYPD: You know wearing riot gear to evict unarmed grad students from tents makes you look like pussies, right? #ows 54 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheThryll
WillHate flossing? Rinse your mouth out with blood and cut out the middle man. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@pourmecoffee
pourmecoffeeNBA labor nightmare. Newt Gingrich leading the GOP. It’s 1998 all over again, baby! 1 day ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@mileskahn
mileskahnSandusky is the Michael Jackson of showering with boys. 15 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@biorhythmist
mattMy son’s been in the bathroom for an hour and I’m worried that he might be beating my Angry Birds score. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@LouBrutus
Lou BrutusAMERICA RECYCLES DAY: Idle NBA players will celebrate by reusing Kim Kardashian again and again and again. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@ERlC_CARTMAN
Not Cartman#WhatYouFindInLadiesHandbags a device to update how sad they are on facebook 9 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@scullymike
Mike ScullySaw a huge line of kids camped outside a movie theater. Had no idea twelve-year-old girls were so into the life of J. Edgar Hoover. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheTweetOfGod
GodThe proper length of time to pause after being asked “Are you sexually attracted to underage boys?” is 0.000000 seconds. 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonWhen you “ASSUME” you make an “ass” out of “u” and Melissa Etheridge 3 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeI drank too much last night and accidentally logged into MySpace #FirstWorldProblems 3 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@jamonthirteen
jamonthirteenI’m the Gabby Giffords of returning to an all-you-can eat Chinese buffet after said establishment sidelined me with diarrhea for 2 weeks. 2 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
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