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Columbus Day, A-Rod, and Reese’s

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Columbus Day, A-Rod, and Reese’s
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

It’s Friday – so enough from me, let’s get to the funny. Enjoy!

A-Rod made $122, 436 per strikeout tonight. Ballpark. #occupyarod 13 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I’m going to celebrate Columbus Day by going out for Indian food, getting lost, winding up at American Grille and enslaving the staff. 8 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re morbidly obese. 50 minutes ago via TweetList Pro · powered by @socialditto

Scooter riders are exactly the same as motorcycle riders except for all the penises in their butts. 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

Despite the fan cries, billboards, and seeing Tebow’s face in his toast this morning, John Fox still sticking with Orton. 4 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s ;)
- Diabetes 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

Said “Yum!” in an Applebee’s. RT @Applebees: Never, have I ever __________ 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Hey people that sit on planes not reading, listening to or watching anything: you look like serial killers. 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

BARTENDER GIVE DRUNK HULK LIGHT BEER BY MISTAKE! THAT LIKE GET SKEET ULRICH WHEN YOU WANT JOHNNY DEPP! 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I love E.L.O. because, if you say it the right way, you’re a fun dad answering the phone. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

All distances should be expressed in the standard journalistic unit, the football field. 3 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

Lamar Odom got his Kardashian at a scratch and dent sale. 1 hour ago via TweetCaster for iOS · powered by @socialditto

The fact that only Muggles win the Nobel Peace Prize never ceases to amaze me. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

TRIVIA: A-Rod was originally cast in Hugh Jackman’s roll for “Real Steel”, but nobody wanted to watch a robot swing and miss for 2 hours. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Columbus Day, A-Rod, and Reese’s
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