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Barry Bonds, The Facebook Timeline, and 99 Cent Stores

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Barry Bonds, The Facebook Timeline, and 99 Cent Stores
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today, we have tweets about Barry Bonds, Christopher Hitchens, and Tim Tebow. We also learn why dogs might be starting to get a little mad at us.

Enjoy!

The US government has reportedly spent more than $75 MILLION to get Barry Bonds a sentence of probation & house arrest. 15 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Still bummed that God killed Christopher Hitchens. :( 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Facebook Timeline tells you how many people wrote on your wall for your birthday each year, so you can see how far you’ve come/fallen. 51 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

dollar slots are like tim tebow: they dont do anything for three quarters 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

We’re probably calling every dog by its wrong name. 3 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

LL Cool J’s mother is a real instigator. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I wish instead of reading “it’s complicated” people’s relationship statuses just said ” I’m fucking a guy who won’t call me his girlfriend” 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

On an airplane with the door about to close. Not sure if I have enough time to download Words With Friends & get kicked off. 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

Do you think Herman Cain’s back to figuring out a way to construct a crust entirely out of pepperoni? 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

It takes more than 2 minutes for the heated seats on my luxury sedan to get warm. #firstworldproblems 1 hour ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto

BREAKING: Job interviews of the future: “Well, your resume speaks well of your abilities. Now let’s check out your Facebook Timeline.” 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I like going to 99 Cent stores because it’s like getting a sneak peek of the world after an Apocalypse 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

barry bonds was sentenced to spend 30 days in his beverly hills mansion. i hope the feds are pleased with their efforts 33 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Do u realize w/out this hilariously fun Tebow story sports would be left w/ nothing but alleged pedophiles and coke dealers? 53 minutes ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto

DEAR BARRY BONDS: You should totally open a chain “Barry Bonds Bail Bonds & Baseball Bulking Boutiques.” You’re welcome. 16 minutes ago via Twitter for iPad · powered by @socialditto

Barry Bonds, The Facebook Timeline, and 99 Cent Stores
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