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Albert Pujols, Lindsay Lohan, and Santa’s Candy Cane

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Albert Pujols, Lindsay Lohan, and Santa’s Candy Cane
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today we have tweets about a trio of newsworthy people – Albert Pujols, Jerry Sandusky and Lindsay Lohan. We also see what you don’t want your kid to say after his yearly visit with Santa.

Enjoy!

Just think of all the money the Angels would have saved on Pujols if they bothered to wake up early on Black Friday. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Jerry Sandusky posting bail? Forget electronic monitoring, just cut him off at the knees. The left knee, the right knee and the wee-knee. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Sometimes when I put on workout clothes and don’t work out, I just pretend I’m a character from the “Sopranos”. 2 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

My life is exactly like Glee, minus the singing & dancing & high school and most of the gay stuff. 2 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

Probably the thing I like best about Twitter is the way people try to change others’ minds through calm, rational debate. 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

Emails from Google+ are making it difficult for me to pretend like Google+ never happened. 3 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

“Git-r-done!” is the “I have a dream!” of the south. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

If Joe Biden started wearing just a little bit of eye liner what the hell could anyone do about it? 11 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Pujols, looking to improve on last season with the Cardinals, signs with the Angles. Good Luck Baseball Lebron. 3 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

“Daddy, I think Santa had a really big candy cane in his pocket!” – The last thing I wanted to hear today 34 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I love Twitter. It gives boring people the illusion somebody’s listening. 21 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Actually, if Lindsay Lohan couldn’t get cast in New Year’s Eve, her career is truly over. 22 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I have to stand the entire time I ride in an elevator. #firstworldproblems 12 hours ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto

Bad news is I fell out of my rolling desk chair. Good news is I landed in some kind of yoga pose, so I’m counting this as exercise. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Crazy ole Lindsay Lohan’s PB cover is out online #justshootpornalready 2 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

if Joe Sandusky is digging through his cell wall with a rock hammer, bet he chose a Justin Bieber poster rather than Rita Hayworth 17 hours ago via Facebook · powered by @socialditto

Albert Pujols, Lindsay Lohan, and Santa’s Candy Cane
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