Titanic II, Sleep Numbers, and Paula Deen

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Titanic II, Sleep Numbers, and Paula Deen
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    The Australian billionaire who is building a replica of Titanic must be stopped if it will mean more Celine Dion.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s almost the perfect weather for us to feel uncomfortable about our bodies!(image) 2 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Instead of being grounded, Jay Z and Beyonce can discipline their new child by sending him to a Brooklyn Nets game.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kim Kardashian wants to star in a sitcom. I guess her whole existence wasn’t enough of a joke for her.(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Weird that Paula Deen’s birth certificate was filled out with decorative frosting and is a cookie cake.(image) 8 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Anytime Scott Bakula shows up on Yahoo’s “trending now”list I always take a deep breath. Please don’t be dead, Bakula, please don’t be dead.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The job of “milkman” is lost to the ages, and with it, the concept of drinking something a stranger left on your porch the night before.(image) 35 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    When I delete an app on my iPhone,
    the shaking icons make me feel like they’re all panicked over who’s getting deleted.(image) 33 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: Universal has changed BATTLESHIP’s title to AVENGERS AT SEA; similarly, Fox has changed PROMETHEUS to AVENGERS IN SPACE. #AVENGERS(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m so hungry right now, I’d let Alicia Silverstone spit food into my mouth.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    My sleep number is unlisted.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    On the anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death, it’s important for us to remember just how deadly bullets to the face can be.(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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