The Secret Service, Kim Kardashian, and Egg Salad Sandwiches

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
The Secret Service, Kim Kardashian, and Egg Salad Sandwiches
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Tupac. Imma let you finish. But Obi Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time -kanye(image) 48 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    At least Ted Nugent didn’t threaten to make any new music.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I don’t follow football at all. Why are the Steelers dressing like the little bumblebee girl from the Blind Melon video?(image) 18 minutes ago via MetroTwit ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kim Kardashian wants to run for mayor of Glendale, CA. Meanwhile Khloe Kardashian plans to run to replace Mayor McCheese.(image) 12 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Part of me wants the Earth to be invaded by a race of dog-aliens just to see them strap Mitt Romney to a car.(image) 57 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The moral of the Secret Service debacle? Never, ever argue with a woman over $47.(image) 22 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Tax day. Or as Wesley Snipes calls it: Tuesday.(image) 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Ashton Kutcher is dating Mila Kunis. Not to be outdone Demi Moore is contacting Patrick Swayze via Whoopi Goldberg(image) 20 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’ve had egg salad sandwiches more exciting than Debra Messing posing nude.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Comic sans is the Kim Kardashian of fonts.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    You can’t blow a hologram 🙁 RT @KimKardashian: Just now seeing this Tupac hologram at Coachella!!! Wish I was there to see it in person!(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Pres Obama said that during his administration they’ve done more drilling than the last 8 years. Is that by oil crews or the secret service?(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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