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The Real Lyrics to the Epic Poem O Fortuna

O Fortuna, is the epic medieval poem about the Roman mythological personification of luck, set to music by German composer Carl Orff. If you are unfamiliar with the title, you will recognize it as soo...
The Real Lyrics to the Epic Poem O Fortuna
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  • O Fortuna, is the epic medieval poem about the Roman mythological personification of luck, set to music by German composer Carl Orff. If you are unfamiliar with the title, you will recognize it as soon as you hear it. It has been referenced numerous times in pop culture, often to accompany cataclysmic events.

    It was written in latin, so unless you look it up, odds are you have no idea what they are saying. Until now. I present to you, the real lyrics to O Fortuna. It’ll make your day:

    Gopher Tuna!
    Bring more Tuna!
    Statue of a big dog with fleas

    Some men like cheese…
    Hot temperate cheese
    Green chalk can taste like hippies
    You caught two rocks?
    Pet two cool rats
    you don’t get cheese or chicken

    Play chess all day…
    Hold his sock tip
    She sold me good, hot chicken
    Saucy hot peas
    Get me cod, please
    Rock talk to boy who believes

    Suck juice from moose
    Fun, handsome goose
    cement pizza? Noobie, please!
    Open bra top…
    get him locked up
    Leaky Aquariataries
    Look there! Fruit Loop!
    Don’t sue YouTube…
    they wrote teh dictionary

    Salsa Cookies! Windmill Cookies!
    They gave you gonorrhea
    This octopus!
    Let’s give him boots!
    send him to North Korea!

    Ow, paper cut! Sand paper, ahh!
    Potato soup and Chicken!
    Go taste the dip!
    It’s made with cool whip!
    Make room for aaaaAAAaaaa piece of Lovely Cake

    Honestly, it’s a lot better than the original lyrics, which come off as a little emo.

    O Fortune,
    variable
    as the moon,
    always dost thou
    wax and wane.
    Detestable life,
    first dost thou mistreat us,
    and then, whimsically,
    thou heedest our desires.
    As the sun melts the ice,
    so dost thou dissolve
    both poverty and power.

    Monstrous
    and empty fate,
    thou, turning wheel,
    art mean,
    voiding
    good health at thy will.
    Veiled
    in obscurity,
    thou dost attack
    me also.
    To thy cruel pleasure
    I bare my back.

    Thou dost withdraw
    my health and virtue;
    thou dost threaten
    my emotion
    and weakness
    with torture.
    At this hour,
    therefore, let us
    pluck the strings without
    delay.
    Let us mourn together,
    for fate crushes the brave.

    Sounds like somebody ate too many windmill cookies.

    [via: Reddit]

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