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Olivia Wilde: I Didn’t See My Vagina for Months

Olivia Wilde is talking about her post-baby body in a candid way that most celebrities would probably never admit to. In a recent article for Shape Magazine, Olivia Wilde came right out and admitted t...
Olivia Wilde: I Didn’t See My Vagina for Months
Written by Mike Tuttle
  • Olivia Wilde is talking about her post-baby body in a candid way that most celebrities would probably never admit to.

    In a recent article for Shape Magazine, Olivia Wilde came right out and admitted that she does not look like the photos in the magazine.

    “The photos of me in this magazine have been generously constructed to show my best angles and I assure you, good lighting has been warmly embraced. The truth is, I’m a mother, and I look like one.”

    In a further burst of candor and humor, Olivia Wilde declared that her post-baby body is more comparable to a couch potato.

    “I’m softer than I’ve ever been, including that unfortunate semester in high school when I simultaneously discovered Krispy Kreme and pot.

    “After giving birth, I joined the ranks of millions of new mothers when I moaned, ‘Why do I still look pregnant? Is there another one stuck in there?”

    Olivia Wilde does say that she took care of herself during her pregnancy,

    “I loved being pregnant. I felt unapologetically curvy, sexy, and intensely feminine. My experience was great, largely because I stayed very strong throughout. Pilates became a healthy habit, which helped me avoid common pregnancy woes like sciatica.”

    Even her famous celeb “baby bump” was not off-limits in her write-up.

    “That gorgeous bump you proudly paraded around town for some 40 weeks has only retreated slightly after the birth. Now it’s a lot like a partially deflated pool toy.”

    But she saves the best. As if the pot jokes and “creative photography” admissions weren’t enough, Wilde then starts talking about her vagina.

    “First of all, you haven’t seen your vagina in months, even though it’s all her fault you’re in this situation,” Olivia writes. “Now that you can finally confirm that she is, in fact, still there, she isn’t the gal you remember, and would rather you back off and give her some space (and an ice diaper) for the time being.”

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