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National Margarita Day, Lent, and Texting For Beginners

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
National Margarita Day, Lent, and Texting For Beginners
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    It’s National Margarita Day! Who wants to salt my rim? 3 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The deli forgot the paper between my cheese slices, and now they’re stuck together. #firstworldproblems 39 minutes ago via twitterfeed ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent. #L8 4 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Today is Ash Wednesday, the joyous day upon which we celebrate the life of Ash Ketchum and make vows to catch ‘em all in the coming year. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Live each day like it’s National Margarita Day. Actually, don’t. That’s alcoholism. Today only, live like it’s National Margarita Day. 2 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    When National Margarita Day falls on Ash Wednesday, does it mean Catholics must give up Jimmy Buffett for Lent? That shouldn’t be too hard. 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Ash Wednesday is the day we all get together and watch the Evil Dead movies, right? 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Pop Warner has announced they’ll start using NFL rules in order to better protect their kids from injury. 15 minutes ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’d say you’re more of a mix between an Ewok and a hooker. RT @KimKardashian: I’m such a mix between Charlotte and Carrie! 44 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Texting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up. 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “Grandpa, grandpa! Tell us again about the time you whittled a 189 character idea down to a perfect 140 character tweet!” 46 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “Don’t steal, don’t kill, put some stuff on your forehead, maybe sometimes don’t eat meat? Look, I’m clearly running out of ideas here” -God 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m dorky enough to know that there’s an Orc who looks like Alice Cooper in “The Two Towers”. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I just had a cup of coffee so terrible that Stephenie Meyer is writing a series of books about it. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Newt Gingrich’s hair looks like it was cut by a right-handed dude using left-handed safety scissors. 3 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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