Overnight, Lost co-creator Damon Linedelof discovered and then spent many hour tweeting about Justin Bieber’s spiky yellow hat (pictured both above and below, for maximum emphasis).

Here is that epic rant, presented without further commentary.

Dear Everyone Asking What I Want For My Birthday This Year,THIS EFFING HAT.Love,Damon twitter.com/DamonLindelof/…

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

Seriously.Do you think everyone in Bieber’s entourage is like, “HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT HAT!”

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

The dude from The Black Keys is buying a larger, spikier hat right now.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

Lindelof warned his followers that he was going to spend the next 9 hours tweeting about Justin Bieber’s hat, so at least there’s that.

For all those following me, please be aware that I will be obsessively tweeting about Bieber’s hat for the next NINE HOURS.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

And so he did:

That hat looks like Pac Man wandered into the gay bar from Police Academy

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

Bieber:”How much for the huge yellow hat with spikes that looks painful?” Clerk: “Fourteen Million Dollars.”Bieber:”Sold, bitch!”

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

And slightly out of frame, Curious George looks adoringly up at Bieber, dressed only in a little leather diaper.#JustGettingWarmedUp

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

“But what if someone tries to STEAL MY HAT, yo?””Well, Justin, THEIR SHIT WILL GET SPIKED!!!”(high-five, falsetto cry of victory)

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

Yellow is a girly color unless it is covered in poison-tipped spikes and on Justin Bieber’s head.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

I wish I was Justin Bieber.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

I am sad and alone.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

But seriously.WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT HAT?!?!

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

The only excuse for that hat is to block Professor X from reading Bieber’s mind.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

FACT:The hat did NOT exist before the Russian Meteorite.Coincidence?GOOD LORD I HOPE SO.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

I made a meme.qkme.me/3t62ee

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013

I’m not done tweeting about Bieber’s hat.Just resting.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

“That hat is fucking ridiculous.” — Johnny Depp, to Bieber, whilst wearing a dead peacock on his head.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Bieber’s hat is like one of those plants that looks that way to protect itself from predators.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Yellow shiny spikes.I wear you golden love crown.Ooh baby baby.#BieberHatHaiku

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Bieber’s hat was in the lost ark of the covenant.#FaceMelting#Nazis#DontLookAtItMarion

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Tweeting about Bieber’s Hat is like unlimited breadsticks at The Olive Garden.I should stop, but I can’t.#SponsoredByTheOliveGarden

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Bieber’s Hat died for your sins.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Eventually, he started feeling the wrath of the Belieber army on Twitter:

Y u so MEAN?COL!!! (cry out loud) RT @seilovebieber @damonlindelof STFU !!!! Did anybody ask u your opinion on as to what Justin does ??

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013

Bieber has yet to respond on Twitter.