Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to kick off Halloween than with a spooktacular filled “Today’s Funniest Tweets”.
Today, Halloween is on everyone’s mind. Not only that, but we get numerous tweets from today’s biggest news, the upcoming divorce of Kim Kardashian and Humphries.
@TuckerMax
Tucker MaxHerman Cains the GOP presidential leader, the McRib is back, and now Kim Kardashians single? Its a good week to be black
36 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@TheBillWalton
The Bill Walton TripTonight I’m wearing a Tim Tebow jersey so I can throw candy 15 feet above kids heads. Oh, the hilarity. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@CARDIsoHIGH
CARDIsoHIGH™#ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage Ashanti sideburns… 32 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Lord_Voldemort7
The Dark LordRIP James and Lily Potter is trending. Well, this is awkward… 27 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Justin_Stangel
Justin StangelKim Kardashian earned $18 million from her wedding. I hope she’ll be ok 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@jasontarwater
Jason TarwaterHalloween 3 #lessscaryremakes 29 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNRomo to begin receiving pain injections for injuries sustained from being hit with the knowledge that John Beck outperformed him this week. 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@BQEWL
BeCoolA black man’s lifespan in a horror movie. #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage 34 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsAccidentally left my phone in the car. Now I have nothing to do while I wait for my Starbucks. #firstworldproblems 55 minutes ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto
@TheBillWalton
The Bill Walton TripThe NBA lockout 🙁 #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage 34 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@LouBrutus
Lou BrutusA season of Playboy Club on NBC. #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Smethanie
StephanieNothing makes the idiocy of humans shine quite like a traffic light without power. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@jamonthirteen
jamonthirteenScariest Halloween Costume: Guy with face paint over his mustache & beard. 1 hour ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
@HairyJew4Life
Hebrew HammerHow the fuck was Screech friends with the most popular kid, the captain of the football team, and the hottest chicks in school? 2 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonTonight I’m dressing as the Mailer Daemon. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@Lifeinsandbox
MichaelIf you don’t murder someone today with a hatchet, knife, or other sharpe item you are celebrating Halloween wrong. 3 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@juliussharpe
Julius SharpeI would rather touch a dog’s anus than reach inside a woman’s purse. 37 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
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