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Instagram, Kristen Stewart, and Asparagus

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Instagram, Kristen Stewart, and Asparagus
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Your mom is about about to get super into Instagram.(image) 36 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Bubba Watson cries at The Masters jacket ceremony after he realizes it doesnt come in pink.(image) 18 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Of course Mark Zuckerberg bought Instagram. If he can’t own Apple he might as well own hipsters 2nd favorite thing in the world after jorts.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kristen Stewart’s creators uploaded a new emotion for her birthday.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    A million dollars isn’t cool, blowing a billion dollars on an app that makes your food look cool is cool.(image) 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I hope in NBA 2K13, instead of “Quit Game”, the menu says “Lamar Odom”.(image) 44 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Rough weekend. Glad that’s over.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I find eating asparagus is probably the best way to start a casual conversation about piss.(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    So does this mean that employers will be asking me for access to my Instagram account too?(image) 50 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Facebook bought Instagram? And here I was wondering how everyone’s ugly baby pictures could get even uglier.(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Mondays are the Kid Rock of days.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I don’t want to be one of those people who’s on his death bed and says, “I didn’t spend enough time on the Internet.”(image) 6 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The sad part is, that instagram guy probably would’ve just traded the app for tickets to Coachella.(image) 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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