What do you expect from a Steven Seagal movie? …aside from bad acting. I am talking about the typical archetype that defines a Steven Seagal action flick. The first thing you think of is the title. Most are two or three words. Most of them will complete this sentence “Steven Seagal is…”

If you break that down further, you have either a description of exactly the type of man Steven Seagal is (The Foriegner, The Keeper, The Patriot, A Dangerous Man) or an action (Born to Raise Hell, Out For a Kill, Hard to Kill, Under siege).

Break the actions down further and you either have a prepositional phrase (Against the Dark, Above the Law) or a participial phrase, adjective, or phrasal verb (On Deadly Ground, Out For Justice, Half Past Dead).

What does this all mean? All Steven Seagal movies are the same. You would think the one thing they would change would be the title, but they are too lazy to even do that.

Now if we could only get a grammatical analysis of Steven Seagal’s lines in these movies. My guess is over 80% are not complete sentences.

And now for a weird a**, highly suggestive “how to” wine tasting video starring the man himself…