The fast food wars are gearing up, and enthusiasts everywhere are trembling in anticipation with drooling mouths and clogged arteries as the giants go head to head, sprucing up menus and trying new tactics to earn that precious, precious cash crop in exchange for delicious, terrible-for-you food stuffs. McDonald’s is charging right into the front lines, promising bone-in wings, seasoned with cayenne and chili powder and accompanied by an assortment of “sauce-y” groupies, all for the amazing price of $2.99. The war seemed won before it could even begin, with McDonlad’s the ever-eternal victor of unhealthy, but stupidly convenient yummies– until, lo and behold, Burger King emerged with unheard of vigor!

The king’s army marched on to the playing field with something even more stupidly convenient than drive-by wings; a holy messiah, the child between burgers and fries… a french fry burger. Yes, you read that correctly. A burger with french fries on it. With the arrival of this brave new leader in fast food choices comes an era where one will no longer have to choose between a burger or fries, or fear having their fries fall between the seats of their car. Dare this writer be so bold as to say that this burger might harken in an era of peace and simplicity, the likes of which no one might have ever experienced before.

Burger King refused to stop at this point, however; no, the king’s army could not be content with simply making life simpler for us mere common folk. The king’s heart is too kind to do just that; full of love and grace, the Burger King has announced that the french fry burger will be available to the public at only one dollar’s cost.

Both the McDonald’s wings and the Burger King french fry burger will become available in September for a limited time, but this writer has no doubt that the french fry burger will be victorious in this cut-throat fast food war. Although, truly, aren’t the real victors those of us who are free to consume copious amounts of terribly unhealthy food for mere dollars as giant chains duke it out for our wages? This writer sure thinks so.

Image courtesy of Burger King’s official website.