It’s been a while since I’ve looked at We The People, the U.S. Government’s online petition site that’s, well, whatever is worse than an exercise in futility. Think of something that could be described as that, and then think of something worse. Then add a shiny layer of platitudes. Ok, now you’re close. The site wasn’t up during the government shutdown, so I kind of forgot it existed.

But I kid the White House, with love. There have been a couple of moments in the past where the White House has made an important response to a popular petition. Those moments are here and here. That’s it. If you want to take a look at all of the petitions that The White House are ignoring – someone made a whole site devoted to it. There are currently 25 unanswered petitions that have successfully hit the signature requirements, and the average waiting time on those responses is 308 days.

Because of this, the We the People site is generally used by me (and many others) as a place to find humor. You know, what kind of wacky stuff are people demanding now? Over the past year or so, we’ve seen people ask Obama to recreate a Frozone scene from the Incredibles, make Google keep Google Reader alive, make R. Kelly’s Ignition (Remix) the national anthem, and various Star Wars–related demands. Oh, and some people wanted to secede. That was fun.

Ok, so now someone has petitioned the White House to block all of our porn by default. You’ve gone too far, M.G. of Greenbrae, California.

“Require Porn to be an “Opt In” feature with Internet Service Providers rather than a standard feature,” they say.

In its current state, Internet porn seeks out users by email solicitations and massive amounts of free content throughout Internet browser searches. The average person, even children, can type in the word “cat” or “home” or “soup” and instantly be inundated with offensive and disturbing pornographic images. Parents and individuals have to go to great lengths to install Internet filters that often don’t weed out all porn. We are asking for greater protection and responsibility from Internet Service providers and our country. We are asking that people who are interested in porn should have to seek it and choose it. They should have to “Opt In” for it by making arrangements to receive it with their Internet Service Provider. Everyone else should be free from it and assumed “Opt Out”.

Meanwhile, this petition concerning NSA leaker Edward Snowden has been sitting well across the threshold barrier, totally ignored, since the summer. Good thing we finally have an official response on what it means to be truly gluten-free…on a petition that never actually crossed the signature threshold.

It’s clear that the UK-inspired opt-in porn system is doomed to fail. For one, it’s on the We the People site – so that’s reason enough. Also, it’s only on pace to get about 15,000 signatures or so – maybe. That’s not going to cut it, anti-porn crusaders.

Still, part of me hopes it hits the 100,000 signature threshold. I’d love to see a response, and the day-after headlines. “Obama wants your kids to have easy access to gay porn.” Thank you, We the People, for continuing to amuse me at every turn.

Image via WhiteHouse.gov