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Cyber Monday, Eli Whitney, and Tabasco

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Cyber Monday, Eli Whitney, and Tabasco
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Today everyone is tweeting about Cyber Monday, although I think some people might have missed the point. Plus, we learn how Eli Whitney could have increased his street cred.

    Enjoy!

    To celebrate cyber Monday I just ordered a Disney Rapunzel Princess, then beat the shit out of my computer. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Next time someone says “I don’t have a racist bone in my body!”, ask “Then why are they all white?” 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    #CyberMonday seems like one of those fake holidays that was made up just to get people to buy things, like Christmas. 50 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    No one really cared all that much when the Grinch stole Hanukkah. 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    If Eli Whitney had any street cred, he would’ve invented the cotton gin and juice. 14 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    When discussing “cost of human life” in Black Friday aftermath coverage, measure it against savings on that fantastically marked-down Wii. 10 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

    Everyone thinks parents on Facebook are lame, so I’ve been going through and liking all of Luke’s pics just to annoy him. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    There’s month old curry in the fridge but I don’t want to throw it out because I’ll have to wash the tupperware. #FirstWorldProblems 44 minutes ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto

    I always thought I’d be older by now. 53 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    All you need to have is a really nice face and you can make money and get followers on twitter. 49 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Our #CyberMonday deals for third-parties: 20,000 users’ personal information for $5,000. Just kidding (or am I?). 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    Is it possible for an atheist to love Tebow? God only knows. 42 minutes ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

    Oh Jesus! Too much Tabasco on my eggs. IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! I can’t handle spicy foods. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Sometimes when I want to feel dirty, I’ll go and read Steve Jobs’ biography on my Kindle. 41 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Black Friday. Cyber Monday. They’re just the hors d’ouvres to the main course: Lexus’ December to Remember. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    A/S/L? #CyberMonday 37 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    In preparation for Cyber Monday, I just pepper sprayed my computer… 15 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

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