When the story of the now-famous brawl in Anchorage, Alaska that allegedly involved members of the Palin family emerged, things were pretty hazy. Most of it was based around a gossip column, a bunch of hearsay, and a whole lot of presumption over Sarah Palin’s statements soon thereafter.

But now we have the police report from the officers who responded to the scene. And it turns out that things were pretty much just as we were told, only even better. Or worse, depending on whether you were throwing the punches or receiving them.

It sounds like there were actually at least two fights that happened at the Klingenmeyer house that night. One of those involved Todd Palin, as well as his son Track. The other involved Bristol Palin and Korey Klingenmeyer, the homeowner.

According to Track Palin, as reported by the officers, “some guys were talking rudely to his sisters, making them cry”. So the Palins decided to leave. The said that a friend of theirs was attacked in the driveway. Todd and Track Palin came to his aid, and a pileup ensued.

But the incident with Bristol Palin was quite bizarre.

According to Klingenmeyer, the fight between the men out front was causing quite a disturbance. He asked his guests not to get involved. A few minutes later Bristol and Willow Palin came back around the back of the house. Klingenmeyer asked Bristol to leave.

The police report picks up with this retelling:

“’Who the f— are you?’ she responded. He told her he was the homeowner, and she responded that he didn’t own the house and she would ‘kick his ass.’”

“He says then that she hits him in the face. He says he then tells her to hit him again if it makes her feel better and she does. He says he lets her hit him 5-6 times in the face and that she was hitting pretty hard. After about the sixth punch he grabbed her fist as she punched again and he pushed back and she falls down. He says she gets up and tries to punch him again and he grabs her fist again and pushes her away and she falls down again.”

Eventually, Track Palin jumped in on Klingenmeyer, but was met with resistance from several other people.

In the end, it looked like it was The Palins versus Everyone Else.

Bristol’s telling of the whole clash with Klingenmeyer was quite different.

“Bristol said they were at a birthday party and her younger sister, Willow Palin, told her an older lady pushed her. Bristol said she went towards the woman to confront her about pushing her sister. Bristol said the owner of the house, Korey, came up to her and pushed her down on the ground. Bristol said Korey called her a slut over and over … then pulled her on the grass by her feet … (and) then someone stole her shoes and sunglasses …”

Klingenmeyer told police that he was “angry that the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems.” Officers noted in their report that there was a strong odor of alcohol coming from the Palin group.

It was a few days later that Sarah Palin defended her daughter’s honor in a Facebook post. No charges were ever filed in the incident.