WebProNews

Ten bucks says in a hundred years this law is going to make as much sense as Kentucky’s anti-carrying-an-ice-cream-cone-in-your-back-pocket law.* California governor Arnold Swartzenegger signed legislation outlawing texting while driving, at least until cars drive themselves.

When the law goes into effect, California drivers can expect a $20 fine for a first offense and a $50 fine for subsequent offenses. That’s kind of a light penalty, if you ask me, for such recklessness.

Though it’s hard to believe people actually do that—I know they do because I saw it on Oprah—people do weird stuff all the time. The other day I was passed by a guy who had the newspaper sprawled across his steering wheel—not in gridlock traffic, but while he was going 45 miles per hour.

Needless to say I made a turn off that road.

Back over in California, there was some confusion about why the new law was needed, considering a similar bill had recently passed targeting holding a cell phone while driving. The pedantically pettifoggerous among them noted the law only applied to holding a cell phone up to one’s ear while driving—not texting or dialing or downloading ring tones, or anything else one might do with a phone not actually up to their ear.

Nanny-nanny-boo-boo. omg, EPIC FAIL, sum dumazz jes honkd @ me

Here’s some other laws they should think about, since common sense needs to be legislated:

1. No texting during surgery, either
2. No teasing the tigers at the zoo (they’ll eat you)
3. Don’t play leapfrog with unicorns
4. Never, ever say “Obama” in a bar full of cowboy hats
5. The words “fat,” “hormonal,” “crazy,” and “my mother thinks” are not allowed in the vicinity of pregnant women (they’ll eat you)

_{*The existence of this law on the books is perfectly reasonable, so the legend goes, because at one time an ice cream cone in the back pocket was the chief means by which horse thieves would lure away their booty. Can’t be called a thief if the horse follows you home, right? See, us Kentuckians is crafty.}