Tom Cruise, Hanukkah, and War Whores
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we have a smorgasbord of topics in our daily funniest tweets. It’s Friday, so I’ll just let you dig right in.
When Tom Cruise is driving, he says “Now in Cruise Control!” with this stupid smirk on his face even when there’s no one else in the car.
Hanukkah is the most American holiday because it’s a celebration of burning oil that we don’t have.
My condolences to Michelle Duggar for miscarrying on her 20th child. I bet that house is going to feel really empty this Christmas.
“A horse? Two hours of a frickin’ horse? This is bullshit!” – Man who thought he was seeing a film called ‘War Whores.”
The 2nd oldest profession is abortion provider, right?
Fruit is always in Cezanne.
“Holy infant, so tender and mild.” Boy, the baby Jesus sure sounded delicious!
Who in the hell made the decision to put Gallagher on the hundred dollar bill?
Can’t wait to sit in the doctor’s office reception area so I can read how to fix meatloaf 3 ways & catch up on 1992.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re probably a worthless piece of shit.
if rick perry hates gay people so much, maybe he should stop fucking them.
“That’s enough, Michelle Duggar,” said God.